Supervillains don't do laundry!

Supervillains shouldn't use Windows

2011-04-20T13:00:00.000+02:00

I haven't worked with Windows in about 10 years & now I'm trying to help a friend out by 'fixing' his desktop pc for him.
What has been reinforced during this trying time is that Winblow$ is not worth the hassle at all & every supervillain or supervillain-in-training shouldn't use it!
It's about as steady as Paris Hilton's intellect & as secure as Lindsay Lohan's career. The only thing reliable about it is its unreliability!
If you're planning world domination, you don't want to store your To Do List on something that is easily compromised. Any half-wit minion could hack it & get access to Things To Say At First Press Conference When The World Is Mine.doc.
If you're going to be a successful Supervillain, you need something far more reliable & secure - so install Ubuntu instead!

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away

2011-04-19T10:01:00.000+02:00

So it's been almost a year since my last post & the answer to "What have you been doing all this time?" is simply this: procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate!
There's also been plenty of travelling to & fro, working, a fleeting enthusiasm for soccer (on account of the World Cup being hosted locally), laughs, tears, trying times & some photography.
During last year, I have given the occasional thought to this blog & how I should start it up again, so I've decided to go ahead with it again & make another effort at posting regularly.
I've been doing a lot of writing for clients - which tends to take the joy out of the process a lot, so I've decided to make this my creative outlet again & a place where I can renew my love or writing, ranting, raving & the opportunity to reveal my crazy inner-workings to the world.
Please be warned, you read this blog at your own risk...

Chicago is a looooooong way from here

2010-05-18T09:58:00.001+02:00

WGN is Chicago's very own broadcasting station with its own news.
Clearly the journalists over there need some geography lessons, judging from the screen cap I was forwarded.
Of course, it's very easy to confuse South America with South Africa, what with both of them being south & all that stuff.
I suppose if you flip South America on its vertical axis, it'd look just like Africa - which means that maybe the person who is responsible for this gross geographical blunder, is dyslexic...
Unfortunately for the poor news anchor here, it looks like he's the dufus responsible for the mistake because his mug is right next to the offending picture.
Way to go WGN!

I'm sorry Your Honour, the dog ate my evidence

2010-04-30T15:15:00.000+02:00

So Jackie Selebi was supposed to bring receipts to court today to justify how he & his wife had arrived at their expenses budget they had previously submitted to the court.
Unfortunately for Mr Selebi, his very silly wife had conveniently 'discarded the slips' the day before because she apparently found 'better evidence' to back up their budget.
Not only did she throw the slips away, she also had the foresight to tear them up into little pieces before she discarded them, just in case someone would use them for fraudulent purposes, or perhaps incriminating evidence in a trail that is now a joke.
Obviously Mr Selebi has the same opinion of prosecutor Gerrie Nel (& the residing judge), as many school children around the world have of their teachers: one that assumes the person in authority is devoid of any intelligence & stupid enough to believe the old 'the dog ate my homework' tale that's been spun a million times before.
Clearly Mr Selebi is confident that he will get off scot-free, otherwise he'd be spinning more convincing lies.

The Supervillain Guide to Super Spending: Get a job in government & then ask for ridiculous armounts of money

2010-04-30T15:03:00.000+02:00

So according to Water Affairs Minister Buyelwa Sonjica, government need to spend R23 billion over the next 6 years to fix the country's 'network' of waste water treatment stations.
Apparently most of the plants need to be refurbished & the R23 billion is merely an estimate...
Frankly - while I don't deny that we are seriously lagging behind in terms of infrastructure in this country - I do wonder at the R23 billion figure.
Its a lot of money. A heck of a lot! Probably enough to buy out Zimbabwe & some other impoverished African country ruled by a corrupt dictator who flits over to Dubai regularly for shopping holidays.
Of course, I'm sure that the costs of redoing the country's waste recycling plants will be a huge expense, but I can't help think that there's a few fancy BMWs stashed into that budget on the contractor's side.

People Are Gullible & other such proof that Darwin's theory of evolution is true...

2010-04-08T18:45:00.000+02:00

So according to a poll by Reuters 1 in 5 people believe aliens exist & that they live amongst us, disguised as humans.
In a survey of 23,000 adults in 22 different countries, it was found that more men believe in aliens than women (22% versus 17%), most skeptics are women & that the percentage of believers is higher in more densely-populated countries.

"more than 40 percent of people from India and China believe that aliens walk among us disguised as humans, while those least likely to believe in this are from Belgium, Sweden and the Netherlands (8 percent each)"
Wow! Clearly Sculley was of Scandinavian descent while Mulder had Chinese in him somewhere.
So it seems that if you live in a crowded country, you're more likely to be suspicious of your neighbour. This also means that the more space you have to yourself, the more likely it is that you are still in possession of your own brain & it has not been fiddled with by your lazy-ass, beer-drinking, late-night-tv-watching, bum of an alien buddy Mike (or in the case of the believers in question: Abdul).
Of course, with all that stupid around its a miracle the human race keeps on going.
Incidentally, there are numerous accounts of "alien abductions" online should you feel in need of a good laugh. Either that, or you could listen to David Hasselhoff's music for a pick-me-up.

April Fool's - how to make fake geeks panic

2010-04-01T09:51:00.000+02:00

There's been some great April Fool's jokes over the years.
My favourite is definitely Sir Richard Branson's:
Although he was a day early - a mistake on his part due to being blown off-course (so the April Fool's joke goes both ways) Branson landed in a UFO-shaped balloon in a field outside of London in 1989 & emerged in a silver suit - freaking out the police & the crowd of onlookers who had gathered.
Brilliant & hilariously funny in the spirit of the day.
IOL's report of Somali pirates holding the internet for ransom by hijacking the Seacom cable, not as brilliant.
Of course, there are still going to be people who fall for it & panic about the end of the internet as we know it.
I'm still debating whether their report about Steve Hoffmeyer trying to play the hero by chasing 6 armed men down after a robbery, is an April Fool's joke. Unfortunately the article was published on the 31st of March...

How to steal money from South Africans & Other Such Handy Tips from the National Lottery Board

2010-03-27T17:29:00.000+02:00

So the National Lottery Board has finally admitted what we've all known for a long time now - the CEO & other such pompous Suits do backstroke every morning at work in the company's olympic-sized swimming pool filled with R200 notes.
Either that or there is 6 BILLION RANDS worth of funds lying around somewhere instead of being distributed to NGOs & charities!
That is an insane amount of money!
We could pretty much buy Zimbabwe with that money, or at least give it out to the charities & NGOs that it was originally intended for... Which, incidentally was part & parcel of why the lottery was set up in the first place.
So since staff at the company have conveniently failed to bring this discrepancy to light looooong ago, I wonder what else has slipped their minds?

"Spend MORE money on my lavish lifestyle to ensure tourism please"

2010-02-25T09:19:00.001+02:00

King Goodwill Zwelithini has officially requested that the government refurbish his palaces & display his portrait in public places (in KZN) during the Soccer World Cup. Apparently this will attract tourism to the province of KwaZulu Natal.
I highly doubt that seeing a poster that says 'This is the Zulu king' is going to make foreigners go: "I must return to this sacred place, because there is a king here. I will spend my hard-earned money to return here so that I may journey to the far reaches of this province, & pay homage to this great king of the Zulus."
More likely it is just another attempt to get millions from government to spend on his expensive lifestyle.

Malema-isms or Julius-isms? I think I'll go with JuMa-isms

2010-02-24T11:55:00.000+02:00

If Julius Malema were the ANCYL's superhero mascot, his spandex outfit would be appalling.
On the right is the ANCYL's logo, which is fine, but we all know how well those colours look on outfits (think of those awful tracksuits our athletes have been forced to don through the years).
But as far as superheros go, Malema is doing a sterling job in the same way that George Bush did: outlandish claims and some serious misapplication of the English language.
Of course, his superhero name would be something deemed trendy by his PR team. Something like JuMa, & so, for the remainder of his political career, that is what I shall refer to him as. Some people refer to him as Juju, but this sounds far too much like a chewy sweet that a five-year-old would appreciate.

But now for the supervillain rant.

The latest fiasco regarding his lavish lifestyle certainly has him pissed, hence his attempts to distract our attention by shouting loudly about something or the other. Kind've like Jeremy Clarkson does when he's unimpressed with the handling of a sports car round the Top Gear race track.
Unfortunately Clarkson & JuMa will never learn that shouting at or about anything will not bring about some magical change.
Fortunately for Clarkson (and Top Gear fans), that is where the similarities end.
JuMa, however, continues down the "if I point fingers, maybe you'll forget about my dirty laundry" path.

And so, we now move on to the so-called "intelligence document" that "intelligence officers" apparently handed over to him recently.
(Please note that the word "intelligence" will always appear in inverted commas in this post, for rather obvious reasons...)
And according to JuMa, the police have also verified the validity of the "intelligence" document.
I can just imagine the verification process now:

*JuMa walks into his local police station with his entourage, usual pomp & ceremony and a piece of paper in his hand. Scanning the room to see if anyone is admiring his tailored suit, he prances up to the counter and grabs the attention of the nearest officer by slamming said piece of paper down on the counter*
JuMa: 'Officer! I want you to verify that document!'
*Officer blinks back at JuMa for a few seconds before examining the paper*
Officer: Well sir, I can verify that it is a piece of paper & that there is writing on it. It seems to be list of names.'
JuMa: 'Exactly! *gestures triumphantly to his entourage* It is a list of names!'
Officer: 'Yes sir, it is. Would you like me to officially verify & stamp it?'
JuMa: 'Yes!' *nods enthusiastically*
Officer: 'Ok'
*The officer hands back the paper when he is finished*
Officer: 'Now sir, if you can just sign here *points* & here *indicates again* & then we are good to go.'
*At the instruction, JuMa proudly signs in the alloted places*
JuMa: 'Right, now we have the evidence of a political plot!'
Officer: 'You know *examines signatures* that writing looks familiar...'

Frankly the claim smells fishy to me, along with the numerous other claims & accusations JuMa has made of late.
The SAPS has not confirmed that the document has been brought to their attention.
How convenient that this is brought to our attention by the man who is under a immense public scrutiny right now?
It also begs the question: if (& that's a really big 'if' there!) "intelligence" officers handed the document to him, what the hell are National Intelligence Agency operatives doing handing out "intelligence" reports to political parties?!?!
It makes me wonder what kind of reports the KISS Party & the Soccer Party are getting...

Further details of the claim can be found on IOL's site.

World Cup ticket prices slashed for locals

2010-02-19T10:45:00.000+02:00

So Fifa have woken up & realised that 1) local soccer fans can't afford ridiculous ticket prices, 2) foreigners are being ripped off by local businesses & 3) loads of people have been scared off from coming to the country by sensationalism & over-the-top media reports.
Ticket sales haven't been as good as they'd hoped & so now they've "revised" their approach & are planning on slashing prices for locals in order to fill stadiums.
Tickets will be sold to South Africans at around $20 a seat - which is around R155 a ticket - far more affordable than the previous prices.

$$$$$ just to be deafened by vuvuzelas?

2010-02-18T10:05:00.000+02:00

Have you actually had a look at how much ticket prices for the World Cup are? The crappy seats are R490 & for an average seat you are looking at R1400-R1800!
How are the local soccer fans supposed to afford that?
All those lovely adverts encouraging locals to buy tickets & be there for the historical event are pointless. Most of the local soccer fans are in the low income tax bracket - even R490 is too much for them.
Oh yeah & in case you're confined to a wheelchair, you can get a spot at R490 too. Not that disabled people could afford that either, considering how few of them have employment & how little those that do, get paid...

So now that the stadiums are going to be filled by foreigners, those South Africans who turn to their usual option of going to a sports bar, will probably have to look elsewhere.
Apparently the Department of Trade & Industry have drafted a legislation that will require any pub, restaurant, hotel or university to purchase a R50 000 special liquor license if they want to screen World Cup matches & sell liquor at the same time.
WTF!?!?!
I'm sure this one is going to go down well...

Spiderman Spiderman, does whatever a Batman can

2010-02-15T14:31:00.000+02:00

So the first Spiderman movie was damn cool. It launched a whole new era for superhero movies. Spawning loads of copycats; some succeeding and some failing dismally, reminding us of those bygone days of cheesy comic book adaptations that no one took seriously at all - think George Clooney & Chris O'Donnel's bad chemistry and Uma Thurman's appalling attempt at Poison Ivy.
Of course, we all waited with bated breath for the second Spiderman movie, which turned out pretty dismal. Of the third attempt very little can be said, suffice to say that I think a goat herder in outer Mongolia could produce a more interesting movie.

I used to enjoy Spiderman cartoons as a kid, but the novelty wore off for me eventually. I think it was Mary Jane who was responsible for my diminishing interest. I found her pretty annoying in the long run & I had hoped that they would redeem her in the movies.
They didn't.
In fact, they seem to have exasperated the annoyance factor by playing up the fickle "I'm a blond idiot who can't decide on something & stick to it" trait.
So in all, the first Spidey movie received much acclaim, setting up audiences for what they hoped would be a sound set of sequels. But alas, the movies fell short of the fans' dreams. Way short.

Introducing: the relaunched Batman movie franchise.
Well-directed movies showcasing the gritty, dark reality side of Batman's alter-ego Bruce Wayne & the fact that being a superhero isn't about spandex, hot chicks & over-the-top villains. (Yes, I know the Spidey movies tried that too, but they just didn't get the formula right)
In short: the Batman movies worked because they were believable, well cast & weren't directed like one very long music video.

And so, now that DC Comics have kicked some serious ass with their relaunched franchise, Marvel are attempting to redeem themselves again by "relaunching" the Spiderman movie franchise.
Personally I think they're trying to torture us even further with Mary Jane, but that's just my opinion...
They've "fired" main star Toby Maguire & Sam Raimi, the director, so I guess we'll see who they chose to torture us with next.
Oh yeah, and following the major success of Avatar, Spiderman 4 will apparently be in 3D. So now you'll get to see Mary Jane whine in 3 dimensions.
Great.
Fortunately we can breathe easy for a while - the release is set for July 2012.
Unfortunately, we'll probably have to watch Zac Efron or one of the Jonas brothers squirt webs out of their wrists...

Woolworths stop shaving their chickens

2010-02-09T13:47:00.003+02:00

Supervillains need to eat, much like camels, fish, minions & other such things like the rest of the human race.
So I noticed at my local Woolworths store the other day (while shopping for SuperVillainous Supplies), that they've changed the name of some of their products in what can only be an attempt to comply with some ridiculous guilt-free guidelines on product marketing:
Woolworths are no longer shaving their chickens, pigs, turkeys & cows it seems - because obviously that is politically incorrect & suggests that they torture the animals before they slaughter them in cold blood for the sake of their hungry, meat-eating customers.
Gone are the packs of shaved/sliced ham & chicken; now we have skinny poultry & meat in the form of "Wafer Thin" packs.
So shaving your farm animals is out, but keeping them skinny & cat-walk ready is fine. Just as long as they don't sound tortured before they're killed for the dinner table...

The depths of MTN stupidity knows no bounds

2010-02-09T09:21:00.006+02:00

When you're running a SuperVillain campaign - or at least trying to, you need equipment that works properly. Like a successful utility belt that cinches in the waist & has kickass little gadgets that can assist you with those daily tasks like scaling a wall or stealing ice cream from unsuspecting brats.
Needless to say; stuff must work - like your cellphone! No SuperVillain can survive these days without one. After all, your minions are available at a touch of a few buttons & you can order pizza to your SuperEvilVillainousLair in a jiffy. Convinience, I name the Mobile SuperVillain Phone!
So I have been a MTN customer for years now & one thing I have learned is that they are incredibly similar to car companies out there; they'll smile widely & give you a great deal in order to get you to purchase their car, but when something goes wrong - you can forget about any backup/support service.
I recently upgraded my phone to the HTC Hero (which I'm loving btw) & somehow in the process, my 500mb data bundle (that I'd had for 2 years) got canceled.
So I've wasted TONS of "voice" time on data, loaded extra airtime on my Top-Up contract account, wasted that money too, phoned MTN, gotten them to reload the data bundle, bought more airtime, wasted it again, found out that there's no freakin data bundle on my account!
I've jumped up & down, contacted supervisors & managers, driven to the shop where I upgraded, jumped up & down some more, waited 2 weeks, driven back, lost it, calmed down, vented, steamed & held myself back from strangling a LOT of people.
Now I have to wait until they bill me before they can see the screw-up they've made, because apparently, it's impossible for them to see their mistake before the invoice is issued.
I think I've met fungi with more coherent thoughts than the individuals at MTN that I've dealt with.

No squirrels with guns, but lots of raptors at Eddie Izzard

2010-02-08T15:56:00.003+02:00

So my abs were suitably worked last night at Eddie Izzard - the man is BRILLIANT! I can only hope that he returns to South Africa on a regular basis now.
The material was familiar in a sense that he touched on some classics & old favourites, but everything had a new approach & spin on it.
I attended the extra show that was slotted in at the last minute - all his Johannesburg shows were sold out.
Hopefully he'll realise that he has a wide audience in the country & return next year.

Top Gear Live is only for skinny people

2010-02-08T15:36:00.008+02:00

Because those seats are TINY! I'm 1.72m tall & 55kgs - and even I felt very squished...

All in all, the live show is pretty cool, although next year I will sit much closer to the front because the sound at the back isn't that great.
Pros:

Unbelievable stunt driving in a very small space
The tickets were a gift - not paying for something like that is pretty cool
Jeremy Clarkson & James May are funny (even if you can tell they're a bit tired of saying the same joke for the 11th time)
Audience participation ideas were damn nifty
Drool-worthy vehicles
They played soccer with cars & the dents were cool - some staged moves but still great to watch
The loop of death was awesome!
The Stig!!! - though I think it was one of the stunt drivers who'd stolen Stig's clothes in a vain attempt to score some chicks.
Up close & personal with the hot cars in the exhibition
James May & Jeremy Clarkson in person!
Some nice pyrotechnics

Cons:

Merchandise was ridiculously expensive! - R200 for a cardboard cut-out of the Stig (I almost beat up a little rich kid who had one...), R100 for a mug or a little keyring!!!
Sasha Martinengo as a lame replacement for Richard Hammond (I'm not a Sasha fan)
No Richard Hammond :-(
Not enough of the Stig
Stig "skit/gameshow-thingy" was a lame idea - could've been better
Sound quality wasn't 100%

Will I go again: YES!
Next time I will take a cushion, sit in the front row for some leg room & hope that Richard Hammond is there ;-)

Take a number & wait in the queue

2010-02-04T10:44:00.007+02:00

So we have Google SA, our very own local branch of the giant corporation; which currently consists of less than 10 people sitting in a little office in Dimen$ion Data's sprawl in Bryanston.
They've been around for a little while now, promising a lot in the local media & going through staff like paper cups at the water dispenser.
According to the 'Country Manager' Stephen Newton (appointed last year), South Africans are in for an exciting Google-filled year.
Once again, there's a lot of promises being thrown out there, but if you're an HTC owner - you'll have to wait a little longer.
The HTC Hero was locally released in the 4th quarter of last year, running that nifty little OS that's set to take over the world: Google's Android.
Of course, the phone was shipped with version 1.5 and there's been a few updates & versions since then. There's also a few bugs/problems with the phone, that the latest version fixes rather nicely.
The annoying news is that there's no definite solution for Hero owners locally.
HTC's official response is:

Google Global has not given Google SA the authority to release ROM 2.0 or higher. And we cannot confirm if the software will be released or not. We need to wait for the Google SA updates.

The unofficial verdict from the local distributors of HTC products is that Google want to do the update as a network download available to local owners - over 100mb for people to download over their 'reliable' network...
Of course, they're trying to convince Google to allow walk-in upgrades (whether this is at one of their support centers, or the service provider's stores, is unclear). The issue should apparently be resolved by the end of February.
Great.
So I buy an Android-enabled device, with the hope that my life will be blessed by the simplicity & genius of the software, only to get bugged down by the politics of 3rd world technology issues.
Long live Google SA & their promises of "a better, more innovative web".
-cough cough-
Just wait for the new Motorola Droid people - you can upgrade to the latest version through the device.

Jacob Zuma smokes his 20th cigar

2010-02-04T10:02:00.006+02:00

I've been told that becoming a dad is a momentous occasion, filled with pride, apprehension and awe.

Of course, I'm sure by the 20th time, the feelings aren't so fresh & you're probably quite blasé about the whole thing.
Yes, Jacob Zuma has done it again - obviously he didn't shower after this one...

It must be difficult, managing the presidency of a country, being married 5 times, having 2 fiancées, 20 children, a few trials under you belt - I can't imagine the stress this man is under.
He must be taking tips from Tiger Woods.

Wear Yoda's shoes???

2010-01-22T13:53:00.010+02:00

No, not that pair! Because if Yoda did wear shoes (which he doesn't btw), they'd be as old as he is & probably just as stinky - cos you know Yoda doesn't bath & you can't tell me that he uses The Force for that fresh just-been-yanked-from-my-cosy-family-life padawan smell!
So somehow (& I really am wondering how on earth this particular collaboration happened) Adidas & Star Wars have come together in the form of Star Wars-themed street sport apparel.
I must say, that as a Star Wars fan, some of the stuff is pretty cool - like the t-shirts. Of course, if Adidas can take Star Wars apparel into mainstream street fashion and make it cool, then maybe the middle-aged fanboy hermits who have been wearing pictures of Leia's slave outfit on their backs since their teenage years, can fit in a little more.
Then again, maybe not.
Either way, this is just another example of how cool Star Wars is in comparison to Star Trek.
You see, if Adidas came out with Star Trek gear, nerds would rejoice at being able to buy 10 versions of the same shirt 6 months later in a surplus store.
But there is one item from the line that scares me: the Yoda sneaker/moccasin hybrid pictured here. They're ugly, really ugly. In fact, fugly is a perfect description.
They look like something very old men wear when they go for a walk through their retirement complex. Yeah, you know the ones I'm talking about.
Check out some nice picks of what's available in the range over at starwars.com or click on the picture of Yoda's Old Man Fogey shoes above, to check out the lame advert from Adidas.

Things to be grateful for:

2010-01-21T10:14:00.006+02:00

1) Be grateful for the fact that the world is full of potential minions. Thankfully, there's lots of mooks too - which are always handy to have in your SuperVillain Campaign.
Unfortunately there are lots of quacks out there & so, its always good to be grateful for not having your SuperVillainous Evil Plans being messed up by such individuals.
Good examples of those individuals can be seen in the points below.

2) Be grateful for the enigma that is the human brain, for it is an endless source of ideas.

If you have ever found yourself worried about advanced alien technology that can read your innermost thoughts - fear no more!
Thanks to a US "technical writer for a government agency" there is a solution: an anti-alien spying & abduction helmet invented by a professor no less!
I've already ordered mine & I can't wait for it to arrive because my tinfoil hats are just getting too expensive to keep making & they don't last long anyways.
Finally I will have a long-lasting anti-alien thought-spying device to protect me from their probes.
I can't tell you what a difference this will make in my life, but here's an idea: about as much difference as listening to David Hasselhoff's music.

3) Be grateful for the fact that certain individuals never leave the borders of their country of origin.
A few examples of said individuals can be found here.

Brits weigh in on handbags

2010-01-15T15:19:00.009+02:00

There are individuals out there who paddle upstream, defying trends & opinions to blaze a trail into new territory. Sometimes they are pioneers & sometimes they are people with a lot more money than sense.
While scientists, doctors, organisations & other societies are throwing money, time & effort into such things as cancer & AIDS research, there's always those select few who feel that its the little things that make all the difference in life.
Cue the "researchers" at Debenhams, a British department store who felt it was vitally important to study the weight of women's handbags & how that has evolved over time due to technological advances.
Their "studies" (& I use that in the loosest sense of the word, because I have no idea how on earth they conducted their research & my imaginings are quite hilarious I must tell you) show that because gadgets have gotten smaller & lighter, women's handbags are weighing less over time.
Wow. I would never have thought of that myself. Thank goodness they pointed it out to me. I feel enlightened, & so does my handbag...
Its teams like this that we simply cannot live without - where would we be if they weren't throwing money at research like this? I mean, forget disease, hunger, poverty - women's handbags are so much more important & everything seems trivial in comparison.

Supervillain advice: Faking it

2010-01-15T12:41:00.003+02:00

Getting caught is a SuperVillain's nightmare, because sometimes there is no escape from the spandexed grip of Captain Goody-Two-Shoes and his carefully-coordinated outfit & matching mode of transportation.
Sometimes, you get locked up in a SuperVillain-proof cell, specially tweaked to counteract your Super Villainous Powers where it can take ages before an opportunity for escape arrives. And if the wait is too long, you do what any smart SuperVillain would do: fake an illness or an episode of psychosis.
Which leads me to my next bit of advice - If you're going to fake an illness, don't blow the act by going on luxury shopping sprees, golf days & exclusive holidays at expensive hotels.

The Mail and Guardian Online has confirmed what every South African has known for a long time now: Schabir Shaik has been faking it all along.
The publication managed to get their hands on the medical reports that were submitted in support of Mr Shaik's parole application & from the sounds of things, they are quite telling...
Now starts the witch hunt to find out exactly who knowingly helped healthy Shaik orchestrate his charade.
Hopefully heads will roll for this one.

Go see Avatar now!

2010-01-15T11:11:00.005+02:00

If you haven't seen Avatar yet, get off your butt & see it now! And if you've already seen it, go & see it again. And if you've already seen it twice, go & see it in 3d!
It is 162 minutes of stunningly beautiful escapism that will go down in history as a landmark in the evolution of cinema and computer animation.
So far the film has grossed a total of $1.424 billion, and for good reason.
Almost every frame is a work of art and there are so many scenes that simply take your breath away.
Plot-wise, the film is nothing special. We have scene this story hundreds of times:
In the midst of a clash of different civilisations, an individual crosses over and finds himself protecting the very people he was sent to destroy.
Normally I would be groaning about how predictable the plot is and that the journey to the conclusion was a boring one, peppered with painfully obvious steps and methods.
As a viewer, I enjoy being surprised, and if a movie can take me through a good plot, develop some good characters and surprise me, then I am thrilled at the end of it.
While you do know what is coming in Avatar, there's still some guesswork involved because the world is so alien and unlike anything you would consider normal.
It's the world and the environment that truly makes this movie spectacular, because James Cameron has displayed its nuances & characteristics to us, immersing our senses in it by paying such acute attention to detail.
The motion capture is incredible, but the biggest difference between Avatar & other feature films that have utilised the same tech is that the facial muscle movements are spot on. The small details are so good that you never find yourself thinking: "the mouths just don't move properly when characters talk" or "small gestures are a bit stiff".
You can read more about how the flawless motion capture was achieved on Avatar's Wikipedia page, as well as some other interesting details about the making of the movie.
Despite the fact that I kept thinking of the struggle between the settlers and the native Indians in North America during the American Indian Wars (1622-1918), I can forget the Pocahontas and Dances with Wolves similarities because Avatar is a true movie fan's movie: it takes the audience on an exciting journey to a place they have never been before.
And that, is what movies should do.

Eddie Izzard is coming to South Africa! - bring on the National Riffle Association

2010-01-15T10:29:00.007+02:00

I have my ticket & I'm going dressed as a squirrel with a gun!
Ok, so I'm not going dressed as a raving mad, furry creature. But I am going to see him live & I can't wait.
Tickets are damn expensive (if you're earning Rands), so I'll be eating cans of baked beans and tinned tuna for the next 2 months. -cough cough-
But the money will be going to a good cause - Eddie's Eyeliner Fund.
Actually, it'll be going to Nelson Mandela's 46664 global HIV/AIDS awareness campaign.
Either way, I'm delighted at the prospect of seeing my favourite comedian live at the Johannesburg Civic Theatre. It's definitely one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that you just can't miss.

Crocodiles & wheelchairs don't mix

2010-01-15T10:10:00.005+02:00

Sometimes signs can be very misleading...
Generally when there is a warning sign or if something is prohibited, there is a very distinct line through the sign, drawing your attention to the fact that the behaviour depicted is either illegal, or simply not a good idea.
In the case of the sign above (which I found in a crocodile park in St Lucia) the sign seems to defy the usual standards of signage and in fact seems to encourage the depicted behaviour.
In short, the sign seems to say: if you are accompanied by anyone in a wheelchair, please push them downhill towards the waiting crocodiles and ask them to scream open-mouthed on their way down.
Unfortunately, I was unable to comply with the sign due to the fact that there was a lack of wheelchair-bound individuals at the time.
Pity...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or is that absinthe???

2010-01-15T10:07:00.002+02:00

Yes, it's been a loooooooong time I know. But I'm making an effort to post regularly again. Don't ask me why I haven't been around for so long - it's got something to do with alien abduction.

Yes, your cat has jedi mind powers & he does use them on you

2009-07-14T19:52:00.006+02:00

According to a new "study", cats are exceptionally good at manipulating their owners into giving them what they want: food.
Apparently cats purr in a specific manner (called "solicitation purring" haha) that they know is hard for humans to ignore.
Of course, the response of cat-owners across the world is a resounding: "Duh!".
Why on earth do humans insist on maintaining a relationship with a selfish, snobby creature that visits when it suits it, eats all your food & then disappears off to appear charming & cute to the neighbours?
Because cats figured out a loooong time ago that humans are a bunch of gullible idiots who will do anything for a fluffy animal that can play "cute" on the odd occasion.
We didn't need a study to tell us that they are, in fact, evil, manipulating creatures from another galaxy that have successfully invaded our planet, eaten our catnip & puked up hair & bird skeletons under our beds.
You can read up about the "study here & here.

Cycling - a form of population control

2009-06-30T10:57:00.004+02:00

Take note of the sign (courtesy of Michal Zacharzewski, SXC) to the right, it is a warning; please keep cycling separate from any plans you may have to produce a large family - because the chances are unlikely.
Yehp, it's official: cycling is bad for you if you're male and intend to procreate at some stage.
It's all about being squashed against the saddle and the insulation caused by all that tight, synthetic clothing. So while your recently shaved (or waxed) legs might look great in that tight little spandex number, chances are you'll battle to have a son or daughter to pass those shapely legs onto...
I wonder when someone is going to do a study on Harley Davidson riders for the same concerns - not that I'm all that worried about their inability to produce offspring. ;-)

(Incidentally, SXC is a fantastic website for free stock photos that you can also submit your own stuff to)

Go compcom!

2009-06-30T10:31:00.002+02:00

The Competition Commission have been busy little bees in the last few years - and good on them!
Their latest investigation will probe food prices and so, they will be investigating major food-store chains such as Pick 'n Pay, Shoprite-Checkers, Woolworths & Spar.
But it's not just about how much it costs to buy a can of tuna at Woolworths, compared to Pick n Pay, it's more about the inner workings of the whole setup.
Nandi Mokoena, the commission's manager of strategy and stakeholder relations (whatever that is - though obviously it's important & he gets paid a lot of money to do it) has stated that the investigations will delve into the conduct of retails & the effects it has on their competition.
In other words: there's been some fishy conduct on the part of big chains in order to secure buyer power. From signing exclusive & discounted rentals in shopping complexes, to rebates, exclusive supply arrangements, etc etc.
So far, there's been no objection to the investigation by the major players, so we'll see what the results are.

How to spy on your citizens legally & other amusing stories by the South African government

2009-06-30T09:44:00.003+02:00

So apparently the Regulation of Interception of Communications and Provision of Communication-related Information Amendment Act has finally come into play, according to a report on IOL.com.
Of course, the Act should assist the local government in following in the footsteps of that great nation of the USA, who has proved time and time again that they truly are: "The land of the free and the home of the brave".
But getting back to local freedom issues...
From now one, anyone buying a prepaid SIM card will now have to provide proof of identity & residential address. Current prepaid SIM owners will now also have to provide details to their service provider, or their number will be terminated.
Lets consider a few things here:

There are probably millions of South Africans who use prepaid SIM services, many of which live in rural areas. For those of you who live overseas, when I say "rural" I mean: living in a shack/hut/smartie-box-sized-house in an informal settlement where it's unlikely they'll be able to provide proof of residence.
People in rural areas will probably be unable to get to the official place where they must now register, or re-register their details.
There thousands of South Africans who do not have an ID document, due to their remote residential locations/hassles with the incompetent Home Affairs Department, etc etc etc

So now that you're forcing millions of people to provide documents they don't have, just so that they can have a form of communication (which is vital these days) - a lot of people are going to turn to fraud just to keep their number, or get a new one.
You will also anger those that feel that it is their right to have easy access to communication, without the hassle of making a special 100km trip just to keep their phone number.

Then of course you have the service providers.
Huge portions of their revenue is generated by prepaid services. They stand to lose millions (if not billions) of rands when numbers are cut & I don't think they're just going to lie down & take this.
Of course, they'll attempt to regain that money by charging exorbitant amounts of money to new customers & those that wish to "reconnect" their number - which makes for more angry people...
All-round, it's going to make a lot of angry, frustrated locals - providers and clients. And this, all in the name of "protection" & "security".
At this point, I'd like to bring to your attention that there is a lot less freedom and freedom of information in the USA than you think. Take some time to research their "Patriot Act" and the consequences thereof.
I'd also like to remind you that there are no more braves in the United States of America. They wiped them out, considering the act a patriotic one...

no freedom
no braves

Supervillainous Skivvies

2009-05-20T09:05:00.005+02:00

One thing I've always wondered since I was a child (& I was introduced to the universe of superheros & supervillains) was; who on earth makes their awesome costumes? Those outfits are styled, cut & stitched so well that Christian Lacroix is apple green with envy.
How do they do this???
Consider the fact that the majority of superheros & supervillains are men, & then contemplate the fashion & tailoring skills of the average male...
It won't take long for you to draw your own conclusions, which I'm sure will overlap with some of mine. So either:

All superheros & supervillains are secretly dying to have their creations hung on a bunch of skeletons & strutted down the runways of Milan & New York.
All superheros & supervillains had sweet grandmothers who owned a haberdashery & instructed them in the ways of sewing & tailoring.
All male superheros & supervillains are far too in touch with their feminine side.
All superheros & supervillains hang around at fabric shops on a regular basis & know exactly where to get that industrial-strength spandex.
The guidebook How To Make Your Super Costume becomes available immediately on your induction into the Super Society of your choice (be it Heros or Villains). This guidebook is obviously strictly regulated & distribution is monitored by a super-secret society (much like the elusive Illuminati - but these guys don't have anything to do with the American dollar bill, the pyramids or Lara Croft).

Every single superhero or supervillain has at least one special power (yes, even the "powerless ones" like Batman).
This power is the power to create a signature super-special super-outfit to distinguish yourself from the rest of society. This does mean that it is quite possible that all superheros & supervillains are simply following their careers as a result of a need to express their own unique sense of fashion.

So ultimately if you intend to chose supervillainy or superheroism as a career choice, you'd better be good with a needle & thread.

I'm still wondering if Batman has the bat symbol on his undies & who does the screen-printing for that...

Anaconda = electricity

2009-05-08T11:22:00.003+02:00

No, I'm not talking about exploiting poor little sea snakes & eels & making them do hard labour all day just to power your tv!
Some clever little Brits have invented a rather innovative wave device that it pretty much one long sea snake.
Imagine a long tube anchored to the ocean floor that "rides the waves" as they come. The waves pass down through the 200m-long rubber tube, generating energy as they go. The surge at the end of the tube, powers a turbine - which in turn generates electricity.
In comparison to other wave devices, it's far simpler, inexpensive and less hazardous to sea life.
The plan is to have "shoals" of these devices in seas where there are large waves, like Scotland, Japan, Australia, etc etc...
Now, if u attach hooks onto the outside, you could offer thrill-rides for divers & make some bucks off it :-)

Tools of the trade

2009-05-08T10:44:00.002+02:00

So the Brits have released some new toys for a new generation: a fresh take on Action Man.
My favourite is Diving Man to the right here! While everyone else has an effective weapon, his first line of defense is a wrench. Go Diving Man! Fight back the hordes of evil terrorists with that fearsome wrench of yours.
Of course, I had no idea that terrorists were into scuba... I always thought they'd have trouble with the beards & turbans underwater. ;-)

Chocolate-powered racing car?

2009-05-07T10:07:00.004+02:00

I'm still debating whether this is my kind of car; it's fast, sleek, responsive & practical.
It features a steering wheel made of carrots, the driver's seat is made from soya beans & the bodywork is a combination of resins & vegetable fibres. All the oil lubricants used are plant-based & the biodiesel engine runs on vegetable oil & chocolate extract.
And that's just where the problem lies with this car for me.
I happen to like chocolate & I'm not sure If I like the idea of competition in terms of chocolate consumption... I'm wondering about the exact meaning of the phrase "chocolate extract" - I have a feeling they mean the best part of the chocolate & there's no way I can compete with a racing car in terms of Lindt consumption. My energy input & output just don't compare to 233km/hr around the racetrack.
I think I should be worried!
Luckily, the car doesn't meet Formula 3 regulations in terms of it's rather unusual fuel - so it's not eligible to race in the next season. So I can at least breathe easy for now. But if production goes ahead & car manufacturers jump on the bandwagon, I hope they feed the things cheap & nasty chocolate - cos cars don't get sugar headaches!

Skulls on Mars oh my!

2009-05-07T09:33:00.004+02:00

Man, those little green men have funny shaped heads, according to a bunch of nutters who are convinced that the picture to the left here, is of an alien skull on the surface of Mars.
Of course, this begs the question: where's the rest of the body???
Maybe the area used to be a beach and a bunch of little green men were burying a friend of theirs in the sand for fun, when a freak tidal wave came and they had to leave this poor sod in the sand...
Or maybe this guy owed some green gangster a ton of money & so they buried him up to his neck & then let some strange Martian insects eat the flesh off his skull?
And why settle on the idea of little green men? Why not speculate that it's the skull of some ferocious Martian predator that wiped out all other life on Mars, cannibalised on it's own kind and then died off from starvation? All because some clever Martian went back in time to hunt ancient Martian dinosaurs and accidentally stepped on a Martian butterfly...
Sounds crazy right? Then again, so is looking at a rock and calling it a skull!!!
You can read about the insane assumption here.

tsk tsk

2009-05-07T08:46:00.001+02:00

I know, I know, I know! It's been ages since my last confession, I mean post & that is terrible! I'll try & get back on track I promise :-)

Kiss that frog!

2009-02-25T22:44:00.002+02:00

I love Peter Gabriel; he's a brilliant artist, doesn't take himself too seriously & has done a lot of good in the name of some worthwhile causes.
I love his song Kiss That Frog, but this little guy here is not the kind Mr Gabriel had in mind I think.
Add water to the cute little green guy & hey presto! a squat, strangely positioned little guy with terrible hair appears.
I think I'll keep the frog thanks...

Have some plastic with that food

2009-02-25T22:33:00.003+02:00

Not the kind of drawing you would expect from a plastics company.
PolyFlav offers the unique service of flavouring the plastic container your food comes in, in order to enhance the taste...
Frankly I'd prefer not to ingest plastic-flavoured food. Besides the synthetic taste issue, I'm sure there are other hidden health risks.
Like scurvy ;-)

Where oh where could my luggage be?

2009-02-18T14:48:00.002+02:00

Despite modern gadgets and sophisticated technology that has developed over the years since the invention of velcro and sliced bread, airlines are still losing luggage, sending off peoples' precious belongings to the strange destinations in abandoned corners of the world.
But if you've ever wondered what happens to all that lost & un-claimed luggage, wonder no more.
A bunch of savvy individuals in Alabama (obviously new and exciting things are hard to come by in that neck of the woods) have devised a use for all those items that clutter the Lost & Found departments at airports the world over - they're selling the items to would-be bargain hunters.
Yehp, you can buy your lost items back, if they've been found that is.
No doubt there are some rather "interesting" items in that store, aside from the bags of travel-sized toothpaste tubes & secondhand toothbrushes available for sale...

Bye Bye Bad Memories

2009-02-18T13:56:00.006+02:00

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a brilliant movie - one of those ones that leaves you going "hmmmmm" for a long time afterwards.
It also serves as a reminder that Jim Carey can be taken seriously as an actor and that occasionally he presents one with the opportunity to watch a performance that doesn't feature fart jokes and rubber-faced expressions.
But back to the fundamental idea behind the movie; what would the effects of controlling peoples' memories be & would it be a healthy thing?
Scientists in the Netherlands have been conducting trial experiments (with human subjects) in erasing/blocking traumatic memories - take a pill and all the bad memories are gone.
While I can see the value for victims of violence and such, I'm still left questioning the long-term consequences of such "treatments".
It's likely that the "treatment" will be far more readily available in first world countries - leaving third world countries with their bad memories.
There is already such a mental divide between wealthy & poor countries - just look at how unconcerned people are with the conflict in Darfur & how long people have been struggling to get the "powers that be" such as the US & certain European countries to actually give a damn. Administer this pill to the populations of western societies and we'll widen the gap between people.
Take a person who has no recollection of any violence or painful life experiences & let them try & relate to a child war veteran in some African country who watched their family get massacred at the age of 4 & has been killing people for the ten years since...
While the potentials for this magical eraser pill need to be considered, there are so many other things that come into play - when you consider it in a global light.

Jean Clutz van Dammit is back! Again!

2009-02-02T21:33:00.010+02:00

Obviously inspired by the success of such internet phenomenons as The Hoff, Chuck & Vernon Koekemoer - Jean-claude van Damme has determined that his day of reckoning has come!
He has apparently decided to make Bloodsport 2: The Sequel (A washed-out fighter makes his comeback after many years of going off the rails!)
So in the first movie, his character battles his way through a deadly tournament, much like the Tekken games & the Tekken movie that is due for release this year.
Obviously a similar, predictable plot won't do for Jean Clutz! He wants to dig deep into the character, explore the role, expand on the plot, make it real, gritty, dirty and oh-so-awe-inspiring!

"You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2, which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son."

Man, I'm dying to see the movie already! I'm drawing no similarities between Mickey Rourke's recent comeback in The Wrestler, Sly Stallone in Rocky Balboa & the rest of those awful comeback movies that have assaulted & insulted audiences' intelligence over the last few years.
I wonder if he'll still be able to do all those ballet splits, now that he's 48...?

Cut that out!

2009-01-20T08:57:00.002+02:00

Peter Callesen's art is ingenious, inventive & thought-provoking.
Take a look at his website & be amazed by the intricate designs.

Recycled kitty coat

2009-01-20T08:39:00.002+02:00

Does this cat look happy to you? Of course not! He knows you're laughing at him, calling him ridiculous names, comparing him to Paris Hilton's over-grown shaved rats...
I suppose you're wondering why I have a picture of a shaved cat up here, besides the obvious humour appeal; this poor kitty was subject to a drive-by-fur-thief!
Pookey here was minding his own kitty business when the attacker struck, shaving his coat off in a nanosecond and constructing a bag out of the fur in a very cruel & malicious manoeuvre that will leave poor Pookey scarred for all his 9 lives.
A bunch of desperately bored people are offering a unique service to pet owners: shave your pet & they'll make a handbag out of the fur!
The only intelligent application I can suggest for this service is that you give the handbag to some stupid superhero who is allergic to cats or dogs. That, or you shave someone's annoying pet just for the opportunity to laugh at them...
I wonder if they do ear muffs?

And in the right corner, weighing in at 140 pounds, we have Grace Mugabe!

2009-01-19T12:53:00.003+02:00

Okay, so I took a guess at her weight - but as we all know; accuracy isn't important when it comes to the affairs on Zimbabwe & their government officials.
But Grace "Money Bags" Mugabe is reported to have beaten up a Hong Kong reporter while her body guards held him.
There must be some mistake.
I'm sure Grace was merely giving a demonstration for locals of a traditional "struggle" dance with her fist held high in mock defiance at the imaginary white colonial oppressors.
The photographer must've bumped into her jewelled fingers by accident - thats where he got the 9 cuts from, as well as the huge bruises across his face.
Then again, it could be that Grace actually flew into a fit when she noticed the reporter photographing her on her 92,000.00 USD international spending spree that was funded straight from Zimbabwe foreign reserves. Nah - that's just a bit too far-fetched now innit?
Luckily for Grace, it looks like a hotel video camera recorded the incident. This should clear up any misunderstanding about the traditional dance demonstration that she & her bodyguards engaged in.

Zim to adpet the Rand!?!?!

2009-01-19T12:26:00.002+02:00

According to a report in the Star, Zimbabwe is contemplating adopting the Rand as the currency, in an effort to stabilise the economy...
We're DOOMED! - It'll mean disaster for South Africa if this happens.
Of course, Robert Mugabe will blame the UK government for their hand in destroying the South African economy as a result.
According to Mugabe, the UK have sabotaged the Zim economy & caused the economic crisis that has resulted in extreme poverty across the country, except for the presidential palace of course - it has miraculously survived the hardship.
If old Bob's latest claims are to be believed, the British government has been using biological warfare in their "racist attack" efforts to annihilate the people of Zimbabwe.
Seriously impressive ideas Bob. Have you thought of making a movie out of it? I'm sure Spielberg would be interested - it sounds awfully epic!
So if the UK government is capable of causing a cholera epidemic, how long until they move onto other environmental weapons? Weather control would be an effective weapon, specifically droughts.
Maybe all the droughts in the past have been secret weather manipulation by the colonial cronies? And if that is true, they've been "attacking" many African countries with this powerful weapon over the last few decades.
Man, aren't those brits clever! Maybe the US could use this weapon in their gallant fight against global terror...

Goodbye 2008, hello 2000 & NINE???!!!

2009-01-05T21:31:00.002+02:00

Where did all that time go?! I think my brain refused to go past 2005 or something. But a belated compliments of the season to all - I've been crazy busy since late October so I've hardly had a chance to do any updates on the ways SuperVillainy. Watch this space however...

Oh boy. Paris is at it again...

2008-12-09T09:01:00.002+02:00

So after her first dismal attempt at a "music" career, Paris Hilton is trying to release her second album More Proof That There Are Stupid People Out There Who Keep Encouraging Me. She's run into a spot of trouble however; apparently she can't find a record label that is willing to release it... ahahaha!

Paris, maybe the music industry is trying to tell you something! No really, they're just using the phrase "global economic crisis" as an excuse. You're that bad!
Song titles include:
My puppy Tinkerbell, where art thou?
Curling irons are the bestest invention ever!!!!!
No wait, straightening irons are the bestest!!!!!!!!!
Nose jobs are easy.
All I want for xmas is eleventy billion dollars daddy.
One day I'll run for guvener of california

Let's hope Paris doesn't do an indi release...

And you thought your hair was great!

2008-11-27T11:43:00.007+02:00

I love Japan & Japanese people. They're so... crazy, so... different, so... odd.
Their culture is a collage of the new, the old, the fantastical and the down right bizarre!
Take a look at these photos here from men's fashion mag Men's Egg - don't ask me about the "egg" bit, I don't get it either, but frankly the fashion is a bit scrambled... so maybe that's the connection.
Just look at their hair!
Not even Jennifer Anniston's hair was that good in the early days of Friends.
Jen girl, eat your heart out at that volume!

A little stupidity can go a looooong way...

2008-11-24T08:49:00.007+02:00

I can still remember those chain-mail pyramid scheme, scam & con letters that were physically sent to my parent's mail box when I was a kid.
Being young, innocent & quite naive, I would read them & think; "Wow! If you send R10 (which was a lot of money to a kid in those days!) to this guy & then send a copy of this letter on to all your friends, you'll be rich! Rich in no time at all!". It sounded so good, so easily obtainable, so interesting...
Yehp, young, naive & impressionable with a wild imagination.
Of course, my mother explained to me that it was all a scam, I gave it some thought & realised that she was right - it was too good to be true. But at least I have the valid excuse of being a kid at the time, too young to understand the ways of the world.
This woman, however, does not.
Since 2005 she has sent more than $400,000 to Nigerian 419 scammers, remortgaging her home and cashing in her husband's retirement plans, ignoring the advice of police, bank officials & the FBI - who warned her that it was a scam. -cough cough-, -choke choke-. What?!?!!!!

"When Spears began to doubt the scam, she got letters from the President of Nigeria, FBI Director Mueller, and President Bush. Terrorists could get the money if she did not help, Bush’s letter said. Spears continued to send funds. All the letters were fake, of course."

Gotta love all those stupid people in the world; how easily they fall.
I can't believe she actually thought that the President of the United States & the head of the FBI would contact an ordinary, unknown citizen regarding their inheritance money in Nigeria.
Apparently everyone warned her; family, friends, bank officials, law enforcement officials. And yet despite that, she persisted, obsessed & greedy for a huge payout of Nigerian riches. -blink blink-
Now she wants to use her story to warn others not to fall for the same scheme.
Uhuh. Likely story woman.
There's probably 2 people in the whole of America that she'll probably dissuade from falling for the schemes. The rest are probably as stupid as she is & won't heed the warnings of those around them, nevermind someone on tv.
More likely, she's probably going to tour the talk-show circuit, in an effort to pay off the huge debts she has accumulated as a result of her blind stupidity. No doubt, she'll try sell her story to publishers & TV executives, hoping that a book deal & a made-for-tv movie will bring her the fame & fortune she obsessively pursued in the first place.
Watch out for Janella Spears: Lost Inheritance coming to a bookstore & TV channel near you!
Oh yeah, I'm getting out the microwave popcorn as I write this, shaking with excited anticipation...

Glaciers on Mars oh my!

2008-11-23T08:59:00.003+02:00

So they've discovered large-ish glaciers on Mars - which holds the promise of Mars being explorable by humans.
Ice means water, and water means hydrogen & oxygen - oxygen to breathe & hydrogen to power engines for the return trip to earth.
Fantastic! So when are they selling tickets & can I bring my own in-flight snacks?

South Africans rush home on the wave of global financial crisis?

2008-11-23T08:50:00.002+02:00

So according to a report that "South Africans are flocking home", many people are returning to the country, due to hard times overseas.
Apparently a non-profit organisation that encourages & helps South Africans to return home, held an expo in London last month where "four out of five" of the +1000 that attended, were returning home within "the next six months".
Oddly enough, I know of people still moving there, as well as a number of individuals who have no intention of returning home.
Fish-packing in a smelly factory in Scotland is still more profitable for many people than working back at home.
I also wonder how many of those people were individuals whose working visas are about to expire or people who have been working arb jobs such as bartendering & nightclub security. Everyone I know that has a professional job is still sticking it out in the UK, even those that are between jobs...

Legal and legit yeah!

2008-11-23T08:24:00.004+02:00

So I'm finally a legal biker again, after getting my learner's license yesterday morning at the most impressive testing centre in Johannesburg; Wetshoven in Aukland Park. Yeeha!
I don't have to get creative with my routes for the next 18 months, during which i intend to get my bike driver's license - never having to repeat the process of writing a learner's license again.
For those international readers, the process of obtaining a Learner's Permit is a painful and time-consuming task here in South Africa.
In the Gauteng province, you must phone a call centre first, to apply for a Learner's Permit. Thankfully the role of the call centre has changed and they merely give you a reference number now, as apposed to booking the test for you.
Previously the call centre would take your details and book the test date for you, with a waiting period of anywhere between 3-6 months before writing the test. You could not specify the testing centre's location, nor could you make a booking for more than one person.
The issue was that tons of people phoned the call centre, made a booking & never arrived at the venue to write. Of course, the call centre's system would show that the venue was full for that day & as a result, testing centres were often mostly empty despite the "fully booked" status on the system.
This resulted in people queuing from 6am in the morning at testing centres in a desperate hope to write the test for their Learner's Permit at some point during that day or any following day that the testing centre could manage.
WHAT A MESS!
There still seems to be a huge mess with regards to the procedure & such, with other testing centres having long waiting lists. Fortunately the testing centre I went to is far more organised than others, operates for a few hours on a Saturday morning and is not as crowded as others. Hoorah!
But now to the test:
Out of a class of 35-40 people, around half failed the test, which is a very easy test to do! I understand that there are many individuals who do not have the same reading, writing & comprehension skills as most, due to a disadvantage in education when they were growing up - those individuals are excempt from my comments that follow.
The test is available in four of the 11 official languages of the country & I'm certain those languages change in accordance to relevancy & location.
There are many individuals who fail the test numerous times, rewriting & rewriting until eventually (by a stroke of luck perhaps) they pass.
Do we want those individuals on the road?
Honestly, the test is not that difficult! How on earth are those individuals going to safely operate a vehicle if they cannot get even the basics right, before they've even gotten into the vehicle?!?!
If they do not know the rules of the road, do not know the meanings of road signs & are not sure of the controls of a vehicle (which are the 3 sections covered by the test) they are not going to be safe drivers on our roads!
Why are we allowing people to legally get behind the wheel with little (if any) theoretical competancy?
And for those who will answer with the typical reply: "we must not discriminate against those individuals who are perhaps less academically capable than others", I have this to say; it's not a matter of discrimination, it's a mater of public safety! A person who does not have a good grasp of the road rules, should not be on the road! They will be a danger to themselves, any passengers they may have, other drivers, pedestrians, etc etc!
There are so many atrocious drivers on our roads & we wonder why. Aside from the fact that many drivers obtain their license & permits via bribery of traffic officials, the traffic department is giving incompetant people permission to drive on our road.
It's down right crazy!

The sun will finally set on Egoli - thank the heavens!

2008-11-12T14:15:00.004+02:00

Yay! And again I give a resounding YAY!
I'm not a fan of soapies - I think those individuals who dare call themselves "writers" while producing those excuses for plots and storylines, should be shot, drawn and quartered.
Thankfully the world often provides a SuperVillain with the opportunity to shout out in loud celebration. Loud enough to be heard above the wails of misery from the mindless masses out there who waste 2 - 3 hours of their life every weekday, glued to their tv sets as they follow the same set of incestuous individuals year after year, in their mindnumbingly-predictable, pathetic lives.
The local soapie Egoli, that has been running for 18 years (yes, that's 18 years of utter rubbish) will finally come to an end!
No doubt something equally abysmal will take its place, but for now I can celebrate the death of a hideous apparition & hope, wish and dream that for just one moment, all those idiots who wasted their time with Egoli, will hopefully do something more constructive with that time.
But who am I kidding? If there's nothing to replace their silly soapie, they'll just turn to publications of equal value such as You, Huisgenoot and Heat magazine.

Super... Stupid?

2008-11-11T11:19:00.007+02:00

As a mastermind, I expect stupidity. It's nothing new.
Reality dictates that there are far more idiots out there than there are intelligent individuals. It's like entropy really, people tend to devolve & gravitate towards the obtuse and one regularly encounters excellent examples of this.

* Example 1: A site where you pay a bunch of strangers to ship some unknown object to you. Of course, I applaud the creators of the site for their unique way of taking advantage of the gullible masses out there. Cleary no idea is too crazy or too strange to be successful.

* Example 2: A "dating site" exclusively for "good-looking" people. The creators now have their own reality show where you can follow the lives of the two male Directors as they conduct their business.
Firstly, I find it highly amusing that the "Directors" of the business consider themselves rather good-looking... I think these guys have been spending waaaay too much time with their reassuring mommies.
Secondly, a lot of the people whose pics are displayed on the front page, aren't exactly the kind of people you'd expect to see on a site that supposedly caters for the cream of the aesthetic crop.
Apparently the intent of the site is to provide a service to good-looking people so that they don't have to waste their time going through the profiles of unattractive people in order to find a date. Profile photos are submitted to a peer review, and one's inclusion into the site is determined by how the rest of the "beautiful people" rate your aesthetic appeal. Hmmm...
How do they factor different tastes in? What if some people don't like your hairstyle or the shape of your nose & yet others think you're the next Brad Pitt?

* Example 3: A travel agent for the afterlife - a site where you can book your spot in heaven. Yehp, they're for real. For just $15.95 these guys will guarantee you a spot in heaven, or "your money back"!
I get the appeal of this funny concept, but to pay $15.95 (the current equivelant of R163) for your get out of jail free card, is just plain... silly. But once again, kudos to them for milking the gullible masses.
(They offer group discounts, just in case you're planning mass suicide with your group of wacky cultist friends)

Excellent, my faithful minion!

2008-11-11T10:42:00.006+02:00

Even SuperVillain's have birthdays. And on such occasions, it's good to have minions and associates with some brain-power.
Thanks to my special friend (who shall be referred to as Miller Man, in order to protect his identity) for the cool birthday invitation/card/thingy-ma-jig.
Check out Miller Man's awesome site, with some of the amazing things he's done.

Computer-generated reviews

2008-11-10T10:43:00.005+02:00

All good SuperVillains know that there's no reason to waste your precious time doing something when you can find a minion to do it instead.
What better minion than a computer? You don't have to feed it, listen to its constant moaning about a raise, or get annoyed at its lack of mental prowess.
Thanks to these guys, SuperVillains can now spend less time looking for those gadgets that'll assist them in their evil plans, & more time finding ways to utilise the Destructo-Blade in said plans!
It's a rather innovative website that trawls sites like Amazon & summarises reviews for products. The great thing about it is that you get an over-all feel for whether the gadget is worth buying or not.
It's simple, functional and you don't have to pay it over-time!

Hamba Kahle Mama Afrika!

2008-11-10T10:05:00.008+02:00

Sadly, a great South African icon has passed away. Miriam Makeba died of a heart attack at the age of 76 in Italy in the early hours of this morning.
Though her wikipedia article is a bit sparse, there's a little information on her rather eventful life.
She spent many years outside of the country, escaping Apartheid and concentrating on an international career.
Thanks to Mama Afrika, people all over the world were introduced to the cultural sounds of South Africa, through her songs that will remain with us, now that she has passed on.

George W. Bush: An Autobiography!

2008-11-06T10:40:00.006+02:00

So apparently George W. Bush is eager to pen his memoirs...
Heaven Help us!
Firstly, can the guy actually write?
He seems to barely have been able to read his presidential speeches in the past, or string an intelligent sentence together without mixing words up and conveying a totally different meaning to the one intended by the person who wrote the speech for him in the first place.
His attempts to improvise during speeches and press conferences have only ended up in malapropisms, resulting in the word "Bushism" being associated with a long list of fau pax made by the man.
I have to wonder what his memoirs will be called...

W. - What I've got hiding under my hat
W. - I really am a lizard man from another dimension! They threw me out because I was too stupid to lead an army, so they let me have America.
George W. Bush - Simple, I mean Simply Me
George - "They misunderestimated me" (What I was really trying to say, now that I have time to look back on all my terrible speeches)

All I can say is that I'm sure George's memoirs will make a great colouring-in book.
"Colour in this picture of me with Tony Blair", right after the page with "Can you find Bin Laden, because I can't!".

Oh say can you see, the elections are over. Finally!

2008-11-06T08:44:00.021+02:00

I don't really think the Americans can refer to the process leading up to their elections as "presidential campaigning". It's more like one long celebrity roadshow, to promote the movies Candidate Wars: Revenge of the Republicans and Candidate Wars: The Democrats Strike Back.
Frankly, I'm so glad it's over now. I was more than tired of being inundated with stories about the mud-slinging between parties and Sarah Palin scandals.

It's amazing to think that in 1962 Robert Kennedy said the following:

The Irish were not wanted here. Now an Irish Catholic is President of the United States. There is no question about it, in the next forty years a Negro can achieve the same position.

It took 46 years for it to become a reality, in a country whose civil rights movement took place from the 60s to the 70s. That's a long time for the fruits of change to ripen!
Nelson Mandela was released from prison in 1990, immediately became involved in the negotiations to end Apartheid and became president of South Africa in 1994. Thankfully the road to democracy locally was much shorter.
Where have you been America? It's taken you how many years to elect an African American into the White House and we're about to see our third black president come into office...
One thing's for sure though, anyone is guaranteed to do a better job than George W. Bush. Thank goodness that train is out of steam, now that it's left a trail of destruction in its wake.
Obama has one heck of a task ahead of him, picking up the mess Bush's administration has left behind. Good luck to him. Hopefully he'll make some sense out of the chaos and get America back on its feet.
His campaign slogan was "Change we need". Despite the gross grammar misconduct there, I must agree; America needs change, desperately. So does the rest of the world - who has had to deal with the consequences of America's re-election of Bush.
As a friend of mine said 4 years ago; America deserves Bush for another 4 years, unfortunately the rest of the world doesn't.
Now that there's someone fresh, young and sensible in the power seat maybe we'll see some good repercussions.
George W. Bush will probably go back to working the hay with his hoe & giant stetson under the Texan sun, in between touring as a circus with the members of his defunct administration.

Like, shoo-wow Jacob bru! -puff puff-

2008-11-01T08:58:00.005+02:00

Rule #41 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

Ensure that your statements, threats & declarations of evil intent on your way to World Domination, are clear!

There are plenty of stupid people out there. And while that means an endless availability of possible minions, it also means that you are going to have to explain yourself often. Very clearly. Id est; you're going to have to spell it out for most people!
For instance, should you go public with your Super Evil Plan to induce an ice age across the planet, there are going to be those that interpret your threat as a kindhearted gesture in affording them the opportunity to build snowmen, go ice-skating, sing Christmas carols all year round!
And so while you're thinking annihilation of idiots, they're thinking winter wonderland...
As a SuperVillain, it's important to be specific, clear to the point that your words cannot be interpreted in any other way than the one you initially intended.
Let's take a lesson from one of my favourite politicians; Jacob Zuma.
During a speech at Thursday's funeral for "freedom fighter" Billy Nair, Zuma is quoted as saying that he "used to smoke zol" together with Nair.
For those international readers, "zol" is a colloquial term for cannibis and is mostly used by the smokers of the substance.
Naturally you can imagine the uproar over the statement, much like the furor over Bill Clinton's 1992 response of "I did not inhale". And of course, the ANC very quickly released a statement saying that Zuma had been referring to hand-rolled cigarettes and not cannibis. Uhuh...
Nice one Zuma!
Frankly I could care less about whether he smoked cannibis many years ago. He's still an absolute idiot for making a sentimental statment with such ambiguous and incriminating information. And even if he didn't smoke cannibis, there's always going to be that speculation in the minds of the public in future.

Buckypaper is the new steel

2008-10-30T14:29:00.003+02:00

I've heard about this innovative material before & now more articles about it are popping up online.
Think: the flexibility of paper, strength of steel when stacked together, conductivity of copper & silicon and the heat distribution of aluminium. The only problem at the moment seems to be bonding.
The material is made of carbon nanotubes, which makes for a very smooth surface, rending adhesives ineffective. Now the goal is to artificially add defects to parts of the surface, so that adhesives can be used.
So what does this mean in future?
Customising the shape of your car will be easy, vehicles will be lighter & therefore faster, while burning a lot less fuel to move the weight.
Land speed records will shattered, structures will be much lighter and yet still be able to withstand forces exerted on them, intricate circuitry that is light and doesn't overheat, etc etc.
There's even talk of using it for laptop computers to draw heat away without adding weight to the laptop.
Frankly, I think that as production scales up & costs are decreased, we're going to see Buckypaper being used in many different industries.

Veterinary X-Prize

2008-10-30T13:21:00.003+02:00

Finally there may be an easier solution to the unwanted pet problem in South Africa (& the world). Billionaire Gary Michelson is a surgeon-turned-inventor who has devised a number of surgical instruments, operative methods and medical implants. He is offering 25 million USD to to anyone who can invent the first safe non-surgical method to spay or neuter pets.
Fanfreakingtastic!
Local institutions like the SPCA, FORA & Wet Nose would welcome this method, considering how many pet owners do not bother to neuter their animals, or do not have the funds to.
Apparently in America, 4 to 6 million animals are euthanised each year! I wonder what the local statistics are...
Let's hope that someone wins the grant & produces a methods that is safe and cheap! There are thousands upon thousands of unwanted pets in South Africa, thanks to irresponsible pet owners.

All I want for Christmas is a jacket made of cheese?!

2008-10-30T13:01:00.003+02:00

So according to a Dr. Neal Barnard (founder and president of the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine) cheese can be addictive - because it contains small amounts of morphine made in the cow's liver. Apparently when the dairy protein is broken apart in the stomach during digestion, it releases the opiate molecules.
That would explain why some people can't seem to get enough of it...
However, there's cheese addictions & cheese addictions!
Take this Canadian artist for example. He seems to use cheese quite a lot. Perhaps his mother denied him the pleasure as a child & he's now making up for lost time by over-indulging.
I'm sure the creative process must be quite frustrating if you can't finish a piece because the craving constantly overwhelms you & you keep nibbling on the work...
Check out his Cheese Room, Candy Chair & the bed made of ham.

So long Bob & thanks for all the rats!

2008-10-26T15:27:00.003+02:00

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Dictators, Habit #3; Refuse All Assistance
In the past there have been numerous stories of conditions worsening in Zimbabwe and of people going to great lengths to keep feeding themselves.
This article in the Cape Argus is an indication of just how bad things have gotten in Zim; people are eating rats to keep surviving & following railway lines where grain is transported, hoping to pick up a few stray seeds.
Obviously Robert Mugabe's tactic of "Food crisis? What food crisis?" is still working.
Illegal immigrants are still flooding into South Africa on a daily basis, desperate to send home food to their families while Bob sits in his presidential palace cutting up a nice, juicy steak every night.
And while Bob chews through that medium/rare morsel, I have to wonder how many of those starving Zimbabweans know that 1) Robert Mugabe's diet hasn't suffered at all in the last ten years, 2) Mr . Mugabe has regularly refused food aid from the US - using various excuses & 3) the Zanu PF government has done almost nothing about the crisis, often denying that there is one...
Obviously Bob's dementia is now available in a handy tablet form, taken daily by every Zanu PF cabinet member - with water after a full gourmet meal!

Yeti or stretch of the imagination?

2008-10-23T13:56:00.003+02:00

I've been mulling over this story since I read about it 2 days ago.
Apparently on the left is the footprint of a Yeti and on the right is a human footprint.
Firstly, I feel sorry for the poor individual who had to take their shoe & sock off in frozen Nepal for the shot on the right.
Secondly, I'm supposed to believe that the shot on the left is actually a footprint of a bipedal creature?! Riiiiight. I mean, I have an imagination, a really good one at that. But that's pushing it.
I'm more likely to believe that a bunch of deer got drunk, followed the researchers around, measured their feet at night, made their own mock-up of a human foot (which is quite difficult without opposable thumbs I must tell you - & that'll explain the odd shape better than a change in temperature would) & then trotted around leaving funny impressions in the snow before snickering off and watching the enthralled researchers from behind a bush.
Yehp, about as believable as an abominable snow man that has so cleverly eluded researchers and their cameras for almost a hundred years now.

Zimbabwe's vets up in arms! (Okay, so I couldn't resist the pun)

2008-10-23T13:21:00.005+02:00

That's "vets" in the sense of war veterans and not those wealthy people who charge you more money to treat your dog's sniffles than you'd pay to eat at one of Johannesburg's finest restaurants...
So why are these war veterans up the miff tree? Because Morgan Tsvangirai is not attending the latest summit claiming to address the "Zimbabwe Crisis".
The leader of the Zimbabwe National Liberation War Veterans' Association (They have an association for this?!) has threatened to "take action" against Tsvangirai, who is not attending the talks in Swaziland due to troubles with travel documents.
Surprise, surprise! The Zimbabwean government refused to issue Tsvangirai with a new passport, providing him with emergency travel documents only...
Sounds very conducive to change and democracy in Zimbabwe, now doesn't it?
Oh yeah and it gets better; the leader of this association for war vets, Mr Jabulani Sibanda has accused Tsvangirai of causing Zimbabweans "to suffer" and that "If he behaves the way he is behaving, this nation will take action to defend itself from him. He is leaving the people of Zimbabwe with one option: to take action."
Oh boy, that's rich considering where it's coming from.
The talks have been postponed till Monday and will now be held in Harare, but Morgan Tsvangirai has stated that he will continue to boycott unless the government issues him a passport.
The government has countered this by stating that there is no paper to issue new passports with.
There's a paper crisis in Zim?!?! I guess it'll have to be filed under the Continuing Crises List, right under No Food, No Electricity, No Fuel, No Democracy & No Slush Fund for the War Vets, No Brill Cream for Bob's Hairdo, etc etc...

Renew your rodent's recall

2008-10-23T11:22:00.005+02:00

So apparently researchers have been able to erase traumatic memories from the minds of mice, by manipulating one protein...
So naturally as a Supervillain, I immediately thought; Okay. Of mice and so what of men?
How much longer will it be until we can manipulate people's minds, forming them into the perfect passive minions we've always wanted?
Imagine being able to wipe the slate clean with your wife; she'll never know how often you've forgotten your anniversary - you could make her forget you've even had an anniversary!
Or your previously disgruntled staff will forget about what a cheap-skate boss you've been, or how those bonuses you mentioned, never got paid.
You could turn your naughty kids into obedient little angels within a single day, or maybe even erase that memory of your bad first impression with that hottie you met at the bar...
There's so much potential here; especially for gullible 'super heroes'...
"Now if you'll just step into this little machine please. Hold still while I put this device over your head and jab you with this little needle. You'll be out in no time!"

How did we end up here?

2008-10-22T14:19:00.005+02:00

Take a look at this slide show from Vanity Fair, featuring some iconic photos from the publication through the years and ask yourself this: how (and why?) has public perception of "beauty" & attractiveness changed?
Long gone are the days of Cary Grant & Jean Harlow - people who by today's standards wouldn't be considered that good-looking. And yet in their time, they were the pin-ups & heart-throbs.
These days it's botoxed "beauties" that blaze their ways across magazine covers as the ambassadors of attractiveness.
Somewhere, someone made the wrong turn at Albequerque...

Keystroke eavesdropping

2008-10-21T09:51:00.004+02:00

And you thought you were pretty clever; typing in your password quickly & making sure no one was watching. Well now they don't have to.
Remember the days when individual keys on ATMs emitted a unique sound when pressed, until someone realised how easy it was to figure out people's passwords... It took a while, but eventually each key sounded the same note as all the others on the keypad.
What has this got to do with your keyboard and password? Well if you've ever wondered how a keyboard works on a computer, you will no doubt have wondered how long it would be until someone could guess your password by standing next to you and recording those little electronic impulses sent by each keystroke.
Four guys from the Security and Cryptology Laboratory in Switzerland have figured out how to do it remotely; by measuring the electromagnetic waves each keystroke creates.
They found four different ways to fully or partially recover keystrokes from 11 different wired keyboards - but before you throw a "but" in my direction, read the article. You'll see that the keyboards were a range of models from different years and even a laptop keyboard was tested (Check out the sample videos).
So what does this mean?
A hell of a lot for information security in the future. It's not like every single PC-user out there has super-secret information, but there are many companies out there that are going to have consider methods to guard against this.
But how exactly do you counter this? While a couple of answers spring to mind, they're all methods that can be worked around...

Umbrellas in space, oh my!

2008-10-21T09:31:00.003+02:00

In an effort to combat climate change, individuals have dreamed up all sorts of ideas; like an array of umbrellas that would cast an even shadow over the earth...
So while self-tan sales would go up, what exactly are the plants supposed to do - take a vacation from photosynthesis?
It's about as ambitious as Tsiolkovsky's Space Elevator. And while both would be very expensive projects, at least the space elevator would be useful in the long run.

Sir Robert Mugabe?!?!

2008-06-26T09:38:00.004+02:00

So apparently the Queen has finally stripped old Bob of his honorary knighthood as a "mark of revulsion" in response to the violence and outright violation of human rights in Zimbabwe.
Uh... it's taken her this long to revoke his knighthood??? Did she just forget about the fact that she'd knighted him some 14 years ago? I mean, during the last few elections, where international observers have reported violence and intimidation of non-ZanuPF supporters, did the Queen go: "Hmmm, nagging thought, nagging thought... did I knight him? I can't recall..."
Maybe someone was recently perusing the "Honorary Knight" tome from 14 years ago & suddenly went: "We knighted him?!" and ran off to remind the Queen of the rather embarrassing fact.
The following is an excerpt from the letter, informing Bob of his ex-knight status:

Mr Mugabe,
We regret to inform you that we have un-knighted you. You will no longer be referred to Sir Robert Mugabe, nor will you enjoy the privileges associated with the title.
Your membership to Arthur's Club House has been canceled, you will no longer be permitted to sit at the Round Table. Access to Merlin's Magical Bath House will no longer be free, Morgana's Massage Parlour will be off-limits and we will be sending someone over to collect your armour, sword, lance, horse, pageboy and squire.
While this incident gives us no pleasure, recent events have changed our disposition towards your knighthood status.
We are not trying to tell you how to run your country & we have even reserved judgement in the past, keeping quiet during previous times of violence, intimidation and election-rigging. In fact, we hardly even noticed that, we get so little coverage on the telly here.
But anyways, we have now decided to take a strong stance against your dicatorship by using intimidating words in the press and revoking your knighthood.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Regards,
The Queen
(Of England)

Phoenix lander now with free dvd. (Delivery to Mars only, terms & conditions apply)

2008-06-17T15:46:00.007+02:00

Take a look at the round disc on the left of the american flag... Yep, that's a mini dvd. What's on it you ask? Why, an assortment of things; "a message to future Martian explorers, science fiction stories and art inspired by the Red Planet as well as the names of more than a quarter-million earthlings"
Great idea! I'm sure the super-advanced aliens out there that we haven't met yet, all use mini dvd roms... I bet they also read English (& the american version at that), would understand our art and would like to know the names of our people, just in case they want to take over our bodies, or pretend to be one of us in an effort to understand all those splashes of paint we like to call "modern art". :P

Hooray for Botswana!

2008-06-17T14:59:00.004+02:00

Well, it seems Botswana's government has gone against the current trend of "What crisis in Zimbabwe?" by condemning the recent arrests and detentions of MDC officials.
Finally someone has bothered to openly criticise Mugabe's blatant disregard for the will of Zimabweans! Why on earth has it taken so long for someone to speak out & why was the smallest of Zimbabwe's neighbours the first to do so?
Thabo Mbeki is obviously still going: "Hi Bob, I'm so glad you're holding a second election. The results of the first one were totally inconclusive, there's no way the MDC won. Of course, they won't win in this next "election" now will they? They have no hope of winning when you're rigging the vote, giving out free food for Zanu-PF voters & threatening people to vote for you. Maybe I should use the same tactics. My terms is almost finished & I wouldn't mind extending it. Seems to have worked for you."
Of course, no one ever expected the election to be fair and we certainly don't expect these next ones to be either. Everyone knows that they're rigged.
The results will probably state a small percentage of votes to MDC, just so that it appears "legitimate" to observers. Here's a behind the scenes look at the political mechanics of it all:
Bob: "Do we have the results?"
Head Zanu-PF Cronie #1: "What results comrade? I thought we were making it all up..."
Head Election Rigger: "Well, what results did you have in mind Mr Mugabe? We obviously don't want to arouse any suspicion about the vote counting."
Bob: "I was thinking of 100% Zanu-PF, 0% MDC."
Head Zanu-PF Cronie #1: "Excellent comrade!"
Head Election Rigger: "You don't think that's a little too generous? It might cast some doubt on the election results."
Bob: "Hmm... perhaps... Okay! 99% Zanu-PF & 1% MDC. That's my final offer!"
Head Zanu-PF Cronie #1: "Excellent comrade! Very clever. No one will suspect a thing!"
Head Election Rigger: "Uh..."

Beijing Olympic plot?

2008-05-19T12:44:00.004+02:00

The blurb under this pic from monstersandcritics.com is as follows:

"A policeman stands next to 'Jingjing', one of the mascots for the Olympic Games, at the Auto China 2008 auto show in Beijing, China, 21 April 2008. An estimated 900 cars are to be on display at the exhibition which will officially open to the public from 24 to 28 April and organizers expect to attract over half a million prospective buyers."

So, I'm wondering why one of the mascots for the Olympic Games, is holding a gun?
Are the Chinese planning to repel violent riots, or are they planning to kidnap the world's athletes, hold them for ransom and force the rest of the world to submit to their leadership?
Maybe we should be worried, very worried...

Robbie's music finally finds a use in China

2008-05-19T10:33:00.004+02:00

Take a note from Robbie Willaims' book: if your music doesn't sell, recycle it!
No, I'm not talking about paying some DJ to take your failed single and remix a dance version, hoping that it'll at least be an underground hit in dance clubs across the world.
I'm talking about taking the estimated 1 million copies of Robbie Williams' Rudebox album, crushing up the cd and selling the material to China, to be used in road-resurfacing and street light manufacturing. How noble of Robbie to sacrifice all those copies sitting in the EMI warehouse.
Now, for all those failed artists out there, wondering what to do with those albums in the garage, think about recycling them. They'd certainly be more useful as road surfacing than anything you ever hoped for.

Happy Birthday Chewbacca

2008-05-19T10:06:00.004+02:00

Peter Mayhew is 64 today. Happy Birthday!
He's the actor who's donned the Chewbacca suit since the beginning.

Of friends and acquaintances

2008-05-12T13:13:00.004+02:00

The life of a SuperVillain is often a lonely one. There are stages where one acquires friends and associates, flitting from social engagement to social engagement.
And there are other times, where one is left with a handful of acquaintances, wondering where all the good people have gone... (I don't mean "good" in the superhero sense of the word. More like "good quality" or people of a similar mind)
At the moment, I find myself pondering Frank Lloyd Wright's statement: "Less is more" and wholeheartedly agreeing. Why?
Because every one of my friends/associates/acquaintances is either having a birthday/wedding/occasion/party, or any general excuse to cause me to spend my hard-earned money and ruin my World Domination budget!!!!
What is it with these people? Have they no consideration for my wallet and my plans?!?!?!
I think I need a new set of friends. Cheap ones that will be enamoured with a chocolate bar for a 30th birthday present!

Even Supervillains need a Super Holiday!

2008-05-05T15:58:00.002+02:00

Tofo is a tiny little place north of Inhambane, in Mozambique. It's got beaches, palm trees, coconuts, little umbrellas in your cocktails at the beach bar... What more could you ask for?
Unfortunately the locals weren't minion material. Neither were any of the foreigners crowding the handful of cafes & restaurants.
It was, however, rather relaxing to laze on a deck chair, musing over my World Domination plans, surrounded by the oblivious plebeians as they sucked flavoured ice through little straws.
Mozambique is green, sandy, hot and full of begging children and stray dogs, though not necessarily in that order.
The thought of mobilising the thousands of stray dogs, did occur to me, but the moment was brief. The dogs are too busy, roaming wide in their daily search for food.
The locals expect money, if you take any photographs, and they get quite agitated if you don't comply to their demands. Buckets of salty fish water are gestured threateningly at cameras.
This habit of expecting money for nothing from foreigners, is obviously honed from a young age, evident in the groups of children that appear at every corner, begging for money or 'sweets'. Some will even ask for dollars or euros.
And taking their cue from their older counterparts, a rock is thrown at your vehicle, if you ignore their requests.
As a Supervillain, my mind automatically goes into 'Evil Mode' in response to such actions, and so it is a good thing that nothing violent came of the griping directed at my camera.
Mozambique is still a desperately poor African country and yet often the locals seem to scorn the presence of foreigners.
Yet it is the foreigners who are bringing their hard-earned money into the country, supporting tiny pockets of the tourism industry scattered around the country.
If not for the tourists, places like Tofo, Ponta do Ouro and Bazaruto would be insignificant struggling villages, whose people eke out a living without the benefit of foreign money coming into their town.
Perhaps the Mozambique government should consider educating their people as to the benefits of actually having tourists in their country!
Just across the border in Zimbabwe, the tourism industry is in serious trouble. Foreigners are wary of the political situation in the country, but those that do venture in, are greeted warmly by grateful locals who have realised the true value of visiting foreigners. The locals living around the tourist spots in Zimbabwe, are friendly and helpful, all too eager to please and ensure that people return to their country.
In that respect, the people of rural Mozambique have a lesson to learn from their Zimbabwean counterparts.

A note on monologuing

2008-04-17T09:40:00.004+02:00

Rule #63 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

Monologuing is for amateurs!

If you have to spend time explaining the hows & whys of your Super Evil Plan, to your goody-two-shoes, spandexed counterpart, while they surreptitiously free themselves of the bonds you tied them up in (so that they could watch helplessly as you implement Operation World Domination), then you've chosen an idiot for a nemesis.
A question like: "Do you know why I'm going to flood every major city on the planet with septic water Captain Squeaky Clean?" is a rhetorical question. Not the kind of one you then answer yourself, giving the 'hero' a chance to break free and thwart your plan in the final moments!
I know it's hard to find an intelligent 'hero' these days, but explaining yourself over & over, can get rather annoying and dull. And a nemesis is supposed to know you, be a reflection of you, in a sick and twisted way. So if they don't automatically get why you're going to open up a portal to the world of the warring lizard men- who you've made a dark pact with to wipe out all the idiots who chew gum with their mouths open- then they're not the right person to be your counterpart!
What's the point of doing villainous deeds when you have to keep explaining them all the time? You want people to be able to figure it out for themselves, without holding their hands and spelling it out for them.
So when you pick your arch rival, make sure they have at least two braincells to rub together!

Of Quiet Diplomacy & Other such nonsense :P

2008-04-12T13:33:00.003+02:00

There are a number of mysteries in life. Like; why do the English have such bad teeth? Why is it that motorists with personalised number plates are such morons on the road? And what the hell is "Quiet Diplomacy" supposed to achieve???
It seems the crisis in Zimbabwe is going to be 'discussed' by regional African leaders in Zambia soon, and Thabo Mbeki is dashing of to Harare in his super hero suit, to speak to Robert Mugabe beforehand.
Bob is quite adept at the monologuing habit that villains are known for, so I can just imagine the conversation:
Bob: "Welcome Thabo, did you fly here on an evil colonial plane, or did you use one of your own?"
Thabo: "My own Bob, I-"
Bob: "Good. Did you know that I'm considering replacing my organs with synthetic organs, one by one?"
Thabo: "No, I-"
Bob: "It'll extend my life to beyond a hundred, so I can rule Zimbabwe for another 30 years or so."
Thabo: "Bob, maybe you should-"
Bob: "Colonial medicine has advanced quite a bit eh? Even though it's evil."
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "So after I've replaced all my organs, I'll reign over all Zimbabwe for a long time. Then, I'll have myself cryogenically frozen, so that I can come back 100 years later & rule again! Great idea right?"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "Don't you love what I've done with the place?" -indicates to the scenery of Harare- "I'm going for that whole western look. Oh no, not Western, as in Evil White Supremacist Colonial look. I'm going for that Wild West look."
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "You know, that whole dust, dirt & tumble weeds look. Where people have to eke out a living from nothing, run-down towns and crazy injuns."
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "So do you like it?"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "Me too. I don't think the people of Zimbabwe get it though. I've tried having a word with them about it, but none of them have seen any Westerns, so they don't quite get the idea. It's a pity really, because... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"
Thabo: -nods-
Bob: "blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah"

At this point in time, I'd like to point out that SuperVillains are adept monologuers too. Only stupid people tell others their evil plans, before they've actually done them. And only villain wannabes monologue about worthless information.

Apathy Man take 2

2008-04-04T14:38:00.002+02:00

I think Apathy Man may have been planted by my enemies, in a clever effort to drive me insane! I will have to find the perpetrator(s) and punish them.
Apathy Man, however, is completely oblivious to the fact, too busy wallowing in the black hole of self-pity, to notice.
Someone will pay for all of this!

Well done Bob

2008-04-04T13:57:00.004+02:00

If Zimbabwe was a monarchy, the symbol of Robert Mugabe's power would not be the usual crown and scepter. Instead it would be his black-rimmed glasses, which could possibly be the very same ones he first donned about 30 years ago.
And if Bob was the monarch of Zimbabwe, his glasses would be handed to the individual next-in-line to the throne. But only after Bob had been dead for 200 years, and all manner of science and dark magic had been used in a vain attempt to revive him from his frozen, cryogenic slumber.
And if he did have a throne, he would glue himself to it, securing the deal with some rope and a staple gun.
And after realising that he would have to visit the loo at some point, he would slowly but surely have his organs replaced with mechanical ones, in his effort to rule Zimbabwe for all eternity.
And Robo-Bob would have many minions to maintain his artificial organs, upgrading each organ as soon as a new edition came out, funded by money bled from the few remaining citizens of the country.
And in 500 years time, when Zimbabwe will be nothing but plains of dust and tumbleweeds (except for the Presidential mansion), Bob will still be blaming the West for the demise of the country and claiming that it is all an evil conspiracy to derail his rule.

Taking over the world can be a busy process at times

2008-04-04T13:45:00.003+02:00

Sometimes a SuperVillain's life becomes nothing but go, go, go! It's a hard life, but someone has to do it. And so, my world domination plans have monopolised my time of late, affording me no opportunity to update this site. I do apologise, but consider it an opportunity to take some of my guidelines and implement them in your own villainous schemes and plans.

A word on alter-egos

2008-02-13T10:13:00.004+02:00

As a Supervillain, it's essential to have an alter-ego that keeps your enemies guessing.
And no, I'm not talking about an inflated ego - though most Supervillains have those, I'm talking about a secret identity that allows one to blend in with the common man.
While it's important to stand out & be unique, ensuring that the world remembers your supervillainy, no one wants to have their plans go up in smoke because Goody-Two-Shoes Girl caught you early & thwarted your master plan before you got to the good part.
Blending is not only important, but necessary, & a smart Supervillain will be so cleverly disguised, that even their own mother will be surprised when they take over the world.
Here's an excerpt from The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy on secret identities:

Putting on a pair of glasses & brushing the baby curl out of your hair, does not constitute a disguise. Only idiots would fall for that one, and, while there are plenty of those around, there are also a few smart people out there who are going to see past the lame disguise.
If you're funding your Supervillain gadgets with your alter-ego's business, hide the expenses very well. Sooner or later, someone's going to start snooping around.
Never have a reporter, private investigator or all-round nosy individual, for a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse
If you wear an instantly-recognisable spandex outfit, never ever send it to a laundromat. Do your own washing, or make your side-kick do it.
Don't let it be known that your alter-ego is a 'friend' of you, the Supervillain. Sooner or later people are going to make the connection...
Keep your secret identity a secret! The less people know, the better, so that means minions, side-kicks, friends & family members.

Those are just a few wise words for you to consider for now. More updates & tips will be posted soon. In the meantime, look for the book on Amazon.

Apathy Man

2008-02-08T13:31:00.001+02:00

I'd like to introduce an... associate of mine. Well, actually, he's more like a loose acquaintance, but anyways...
Apathy Man is the kind of Hero that leaves a bad taste in your mouth, like milk that's just starting to turn. You know, the kind where you pour a little into a mug & go around asking others to taste it, asking: "Is this milk off, or is it just me?" And it takes you about 10 minutes to reach a general consensus that it is, in fact fine. But 15 minutes after your coffee, you realise that you've still got that odd taste in your mouth.
Apathy Man has the all the morals of your usual sickly-sweet, stifling Hero, unfortunately he lacks the initiative and drive of one.
He's the Hero stuck on the sofa, watching reruns of Full House with a bag of Lays and flavouring-stained fingers that occasionally finger the spandex undies that haven't fitted in 10 years.
But what he lacks in action, he makes up for in opinionated commentary on every aspect of life, especially the moral code & conduct of Heros & Supervillains.
I would blot out Apathy Man at the drop of a side-kick's utility belt, but unfortunately, he's one of those people you just can't afford to have go missing. People would notice the significant absence of his droning & whining. When you're surrounded by noise, you notice the quiet. Pity about that one...

The Smell of Sweet Supervillain Success!

2008-02-08T13:16:00.002+02:00

It's a good day to be a Supervillain today!
Why, you ask? Because after a year of procrastinating, I have the opportunity once again, to get together with a bunch of people (including my trusty side-kick Tundra) and have a games evening.
Naturally I always end up smashing their Monopoly pieces and bankrupting them. But I can't help it! Supervillainy is in my blood! -Who needs Get out of Jail Free cards, when you can use dynamite and blow half the prison up, escaping in the ensuing chaos!?!-
But anyways, it's important for Supervillains to have super fun, on a regular basis. So is excercise and a healthy diet, but who ever said that Batman never get's drive-through. Even 'Super' Heroes eat junk food every now & then.
But my point is this: Supervillainy is hard work! So many minions to brainwash, so little time.
Hard work can get you down sometimes, especially when your Master Plan only reaches it's full potential after a long period of time.
When it's a long journey, each little step counts, but sometimes, your feet get tired and you need a good break.
Nothing like kicking butt in Monopoly, 30 Seconds or Snakes & Ladders won't cure.
So take a break, sit back and do what I do: terrorise others in a roleplaying game :)

Find yourself a side-kick, before you get sick

2008-01-25T13:21:00.000+02:00

Lonely? It could be the cause of those allergies & sniffles.
While doctors have been making the connection between loneliness & poor health for years, there's finally some substantial evidence that this is indeed a valid deduction. And it seems that it's all about gene expression. So basically, lonely people are depressed on a genetic level.
Loneliness is part and parcel of being a Supervillain I'm afraid. It's hard to find trustworthy people who share the same common interests, without infringing on your plans for world domination. My advice: find a good side-kick that will listen and understand.

Just sound out that candle please darling... ?

2008-01-25T12:14:00.000+02:00

Acoustic fire suppression? Check out this video from Scientific American, where a team of students demonstrate that certain frequencies are capable of extinguishing flames.
So next time your attempts to woo the hero's girl with a romantic candle-lit dinner, go awry, try singing baritone at the flaming tablecloth.

Risk? Let others do that one for you

2008-01-25T11:24:00.000+02:00

When it comes to good ideas, Supervillains are full of them. However, there are times when it's necessary to steal a good idea from someone else, especially if they're incapable of implementing it effectively on their own. That being said, it's important to remember that if you're going to steal an idea or a device that will aid you in your quest for world domination, ensure that you're get the final product.
In other words: let others do the risky hard work for you.
In terms of world domination, Jet Packs could come in handy. Really handy. If you're a fan of the Tribes games, you'll be familiar with its usefulness. Nothing like jet-packing up to a fourth story window and opening up a can o' whoop-ass on some enemies!
Adventurers and scientists have been working on individual, powered flight for many years now and, though things have progressed quite far, I think I'll wait a few years before I include a Jet Pack amoungst my Super Accessories list.
I'll wait until they've been through their casualties, faulty controls, fuel issues and numerous 'upgrades' until I get one of those. Why should I take the risk of flying into head-first into the Eiffel Tower at 160km/h, because the accelerator is stuck, when there are plenty of other people out there who'll accomplish that one for me?
And when individual, powered flight has bee successfully achieved, how will airborne traffic control work? People are bad enough behind four wheels, what will they be like with jets strapped to their back? And will they cater for moms & their tots, with an optional baby seat model? What about weather? Will their be models that handle rain & snow? Urban models, long-distance models, silent models for game-viewing?
It'll be an exciting time when you can just walk into a shop and buy your personal transport for the same price as a motorbike, strapping it onto your back, stepping out of the store and flying away.

Minion advice

2008-01-23T20:41:00.000+02:00

Rule #25 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

Make sure that your minions are reliable, loyal, trustworthy and consistent. And especially make sure that they understand the Plan and their role in it!

Nobody wants minions that change their alliance as often as they change their shoes. Consistency is key and a minion who sticks to the plan and isn't easily distracted from it, is worth keeping. Unfortunately, good help is hard to find these days.
You also want to be very careful of minions that are too smart. You can't have them hijacking your plan for world domination, executing it effortlessly and claiming all the infamy! But you can't have minions that are too stupid to even understand the plan. Years of watching lame American movies and bad sitcoms, have taught me that dumb minions, only cause trouble for you. And I've had my fair share of dumb minions around...
So remember, pick your minions wisely. You don't want to be associated with idiots!

Lying robots? Oh my!

2008-01-20T15:13:00.000+02:00

Supervillain trainees, take note: if your side-kick or chief minion is a robot, make sure you know were the master Kill Switch is! Because scientists have developed lying robots. Be afraid, be very afraid...

If you're going down, never admit it. Ever!

2008-01-20T14:28:00.000+02:00

Rule #36 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

If your plan for world domination, has gone down the toilet and is dragging you with it, keep kicking and screaming. And never, ever admit defeat! In fact, pay off everyone one you can, to act as if you're still on top.

If someone comes along with a smarter and better plan than yours, deny it, ignore it, bribe people, and always butter up the stupid and gullible masses.
Of course, it does help to have built up a mass following of mindless minions, over a few years.
Remember, Supervillains are smart and resourceful.
Take Micro$oft for example; Bill Gates started building up his world domination plan, rather successfully. Millions of people fell for his first few innocent drafts. After all, it was easy for an average person to use. Well, easier than most other things available at the time. And by the time Bill introduced exorbitant licences, people were already hooked, too brain-washed to realise their folly.
But Micro$oft hasn't been the only option available, for a long time now. More and more people are starting to realise this. They're also starting to realise that the other options out there are free, easy to use and you actually get a response to your bug reports. now
But never fear. In true Supervillainy style, Micro$oft are not going down without a fight. They still have millions of followers out there, that they'll keep milking for a good few years. Take a leaf from their book Supervillain trainees. Just make sure that the leaf you take, isn't the only leaf in your Supervillainy book!

If you're going to be cloned...

2008-01-20T13:58:00.000+02:00

Make sure that your clone is slightly less smart than you. After all, you don't want to compete with yourself, for world domination, now do you?
Scientists at a Californian company, have successfully created mature cloned embryos from single skin cells of the company's chief executive and an investor. Wow. Let's hope the subjects were worth cloning...
But at least this is a successful step in stem cell research. Who wouldn't want to have replacement parts available? So your heart is weak, your liver's given up on your party lifestyle or that hair loss is affecting your pull with the ladies... Wouldn't it be great to just be able to pick up the phone, call your doctor and request a new head of hair?
And what of nanobots, stem cells and gene manipulation? What if you can get replacement parts that are manipulated slightly, into looking how you want them to look? So you're getting old and your skin isn't as elastic as before. What if you could regain that youthful-looking skin and get rid of those freckles or get a tan, at the same time?
What if your beauty products were tailor-made, with your own stem cells? They'd certainly start doing the jobs they were advertised to do. Who would need a face lift or laser treatment, if your daily moisturiser could do all that for you!
Either way, I'm hoping that by the time I'm much older, I'll be able to replace or rejuvenate my rusty parts. I'm also hoping that by that time, it'll be an affordable option. Believe it or not, but Supervillainy, doesn't always pay well...

Is load-shedding the work of smart Supervillains?

2008-01-19T21:35:00.000+02:00

While South Africans are asserting their Eskom woes, I have to wonder if the power cuts are not the result of highly-intelligent, super-talented Supervillains. Not!
It seems cyber extortionists are targeting power facilities, hacking into systems and threatening to cut off power to whole cities, unless vast amounts of money are wired to their off-shore accounts.
These criminals have obviously targeted our very own Eskom. Not such a smart move boys. I certainly won't be including those 'villains' on my Christmas Card list. What idiots! (They must be American...)
It's Eskom, so naturally there is no money in the coffer to pay the ransom. Because the Suits & Head Honchos at Eskom, are rich bastards with luxury yaghts and personal back-up generators, who all live in the same neighbourhood where conveniently, there are never any power-cuts. Their neighbours also happen to be the majority of the country's top politicians. Do you think cabinet members sit around and do candle-lit debate prep? I don't think so. I certainly can't picture Manto writing her thesis on "The African Potato and its Immune-Boosting Effects when Used in Conjunction with ARVs" with a couple of candles to light her scribblings.

Rule #45 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

If you're going to blackmail an institution or an individual, make sure they actually have one-fifty-gazillion dollars, before you try.

If you're going to fake it, make sure the plan is idiot-proof!

2008-01-19T21:15:00.000+02:00

So, we've all secretly wanted to do something crazy, like send David Hasselhoff a valentine's card or be the first person in the world to punch George Bush's lights out.
But if you're going to do something outlandish and risky, make sure it's executable dammit!
Take this 16-year-old Japanese kid, who walked into a nightclub and had a very extravagant evening, conning everyone into believing that he was a rather rich playboy. When the evening came to an end, he simply told staff that he had no money and couldn't pay the ¥370 000 bill.
Here's some advice from a trained professional and experienced Supervillain:
1) Always have an escape plan! - He should've gone "I'm just going to the bathroom" and then climbed out of the window, disappearing off into the night and leaving everyone to wonder if he'd eaten bad sushi.
2) Never give the game plan away! - Why on earth would you want to pull something off so stylishly and then throw it all away by admitting that you're conning everyone?
If you're going to be daring, be smart. The Idiot Club has enough members already, as well as an extremely long waiting-list.
Supervillains are smart, resourceful, never monologue and tell the 'hero' the intricate details of their evil plot and they never, ever get caught!

Is FaceBook the ultimate Supervillain?

2008-01-19T20:14:00.000+02:00

So I've been on Facebook for a while now. I think it's a great idea, but it's also highly likely that it's evil incarnate.
There's so much information shared on Facebook; personal info, incriminating info, interesting info, damning info, useful info and downright shameful info.
From a supervillain's perspective, it is a useful tool for finding those nafty spandex-wearers. But it's also now become: the new battle ground for politicians, the place to bust bad guys, a way for over-zealous parents to stalk their kids, a convenient way to find hard evidence and a quick way to get yourself fired.
It's also the place for people to raise money for charity, encourage awareness of certain issues and debate major world politics.
And while it's a great place to see what all those idiots you went to high school, are up to, it's also an environment that has the potential to do the greatest harm to your social life and/or career. Why? Because the average person has very little common sense and posts everything up there.
Facebook could be (and in some circumstances, already is) a very useful tool.
And what of the future of Facebook? I think it'll morph into much more than just a social networking tool. It'll become the new eBay, irc, gmail, news network, dating and all-round exchange site, where anything from info, to goods to gossip, will be shared.
Maybe it'll turn out to be a great tool for organ-runners and drug-dealers.... :P
Either way, Facebook and MySpace are much like Google and the launch of gmail; markers on the evolution path of the Net. Jump twenty or forty years ahead, and the Net will be one giant social network where everything that you do, is logged, archived, searchable and available for everyone to see.
So be careful of what you casually throw up on Facebook. In twenty years time, you'll still be regretting that picture of you wearing women's underwear!

Does your minion do stain-removal?

2007-12-07T13:03:00.000+02:00

Mine does!
But life as a modern supervillain is quite a challenge... Sometimes I long for the old days, when heroes wore brightly-coloured spandex, so that you knew they were the hero! Nowadays, they come in all shapes and sizes!
Of course, there are the die-hard few who still strut around in their stupid outfits. But there is an alarming increase in what I like to call the 'plain-clothed pain', the hero that looks like your average idiot, blending effectively in with the masses.
How am I supposed to know it's you when you're dressed like Plain Jane or my neighbour, Mr Grumblefoot???