Surviving Bangkok, one app at a time

So I've always been an Android fan & I have to say that without it, I wouldn't have survived this long in Bangkok. In fact, I probably would've stumbled into a scenario straight out of The Hangover 2...
Google Maps has been invaluable in getting around & figuring out which buses & trains to catch.
Then there's the Learn Thai application that I use a lot because, not only does it have lots of useful phrases & translations, but it can literally speak for you - at the touch of a button a male or female voice will say the appropriate phrase for you! It's really great for giving directions to taxi drivers & telling them to switch the meter on so that they don't rip you off. :-P
Then there's Foursquare, which has helped me discover a couple of new places, Google Translate - which has been useful AND amusing (1 word in Thai can have 3 different pronunciations & meanings), & then there's the barrage of free applications that will guide you around the city & translate words for you.
Basically I wouldn't adventure outside the hotel without these apps, because I abhor looking like a stupid tourist with a giant well-crumpled map that is often upside-down...

Thailand, the deodorant

I have the perfect idea for promoting Thailand successfully, in a way that is honest & will truly attract tourists - well at least male tourists anyways. It capitalises on the rather famous sex industry here & everyone knows that sex sells...
Imagine a deodorant advert, like the rather famous Old Spice "the man your man could smell like" advert. Except this time there won't be a beefy guy at all.
In his place will be an overweight & sunburnt European guy, whose hair seems to have abandoned the top of his head & migrated instead to his chest & back. Said European guy will be dressed in shorts, velcro sandals & a golf shirt with the aforementioned hair spurting out over the collar.
Bob (because all good nameless idiots are labelled 'Bob') will be standing alone & dejected with his elasticated waistband & dull personality.
But things are about to change for Bob because Bob is suddenly handed a deodorant spray with the word "Thailand" emblazoned on the side in bold typeface. Bob then sprays Thailand onto himself & is immediately transformed before our eyes; attractive Thai women (& men, if Bob so desires) suddenly appear from nowhere, to lead Bob to a trendy bar & nightclub, where Bob is swooned & fawned over by the local 'flavours'.
The catch-phrase will be: "Thailand, where guys who can't get any back home, can get plenty for cheap cheap".
The parting screen will display the words "Thailand. Get some." before fading out to reveal a happy & 'satisfied' Bob, with a smile as wide open as his wallet.

Bangkok is great actually, but most of the foreigners here are male & clearly for obvious reasons - there are tons of attractive Thai women (& he-she's) who are desperate to elevate themselves out of poverty & latch onto a wealthy foreigner. And who can blame them? The life here for the average Thai is hard, with little luxury. Who wouldn't want the opportunity to serve the every need of a hairy foreigner if you get to live in a nicer neighbourhood, buy nice clothes & pamper yourself on a regular basis.
And of course there are loads of guys who have 'fallen in love' with a local Thai woman. Naturally they're easy to love because they're so eager to please.
So I suppose that even though it's a bunch of bull$h1t, it's a win-win situation for everyone involved.