George W. Bush: An Autobiography!

So apparently George W. Bush is eager to pen his memoirs...
Heaven Help us!
Firstly, can the guy actually write?
He seems to barely have been able to read his presidential speeches in the past, or string an intelligent sentence together without mixing words up and conveying a totally different meaning to the one intended by the person who wrote the speech for him in the first place.
His attempts to improvise during speeches and press conferences have only ended up in malapropisms, resulting in the word "Bushism" being associated with a long list of fau pax made by the man.
I have to wonder what his memoirs will be called...

• W. - What I've got hiding under my hat
• W. - I really am a lizard man from another dimension! They threw me out because I was too stupid to lead an army, so they let me have America.
• George W. Bush - Simple, I mean Simply Me
• George - "They misunderestimated me" (What I was really trying to say, now that I have time to look back on all my terrible speeches)

All I can say is that I'm sure George's memoirs will make a great colouring-in book.
"Colour in this picture of me with Tony Blair", right after the page with "Can you find Bin Laden, because I can't!".

If you're going to fake it, make sure the plan is idiot-proof!

So, we've all secretly wanted to do something crazy, like send David Hasselhoff a valentine's card or be the first person in the world to punch George Bush's lights out.
But if you're going to do something outlandish and risky, make sure it's executable dammit!
Take this 16-year-old Japanese kid, who walked into a nightclub and had a very extravagant evening, conning everyone into believing that he was a rather rich playboy. When the evening came to an end, he simply told staff that he had no money and couldn't pay the ¥370 000 bill.
Here's some advice from a trained professional and experienced Supervillain:
1) Always have an escape plan! - He should've gone "I'm just going to the bathroom" and then climbed out of the window, disappearing off into the night and leaving everyone to wonder if he'd eaten bad sushi.
2) Never give the game plan away! - Why on earth would you want to pull something off so stylishly and then throw it all away by admitting that you're conning everyone?
If you're going to be daring, be smart. The Idiot Club has enough members already, as well as an extremely long waiting-list.
Supervillains are smart, resourceful, never monologue and tell the 'hero' the intricate details of their evil plot and they never, ever get caught!