Yes, your cat has jedi mind powers & he *does* use them on you

According to a new "study", cats are exceptionally good at manipulating their owners into giving them what they want: food.
Apparently cats purr in a specific manner (called "solicitation purring" haha) that they know is hard for humans to ignore.
Of course, the response of cat-owners across the world is a resounding: "Duh!".
Why on earth do humans insist on maintaining a relationship with a selfish, snobby creature that visits when it suits it, eats all your food & then disappears off to appear charming & cute to the neighbours?
Because cats figured out a loooong time ago that humans are a bunch of gullible idiots who will do anything for a fluffy animal that can play "cute" on the odd occasion.
We didn't need a study to tell us that they are, in fact, evil, manipulating creatures from another galaxy that have successfully invaded our planet, eaten our catnip & puked up hair & bird skeletons under our beds.
You can read up about the "study here & here.

Like, shoo-wow Jacob bru! -puff puff-

Rule #41 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

• Ensure that your statements, threats & declarations of evil intent on your way to World Domination, are clear!

There are plenty of stupid people out there. And while that means an endless availability of possible minions, it also means that you are going to have to explain yourself often. Very clearly. Id est; you're going to have to spell it out for most people!
For instance, should you go public with your Super Evil Plan to induce an ice age across the planet, there are going to be those that interpret your threat as a kindhearted gesture in affording them the opportunity to build snowmen, go ice-skating, sing Christmas carols all year round!
And so while you're thinking annihilation of idiots, they're thinking winter wonderland...
As a SuperVillain, it's important to be specific, clear to the point that your words cannot be interpreted in any other way than the one you initially intended.
Let's take a lesson from one of my favourite politicians; Jacob Zuma.
During a speech at Thursday's funeral for "freedom fighter" Billy Nair, Zuma is quoted as saying that he "used to smoke zol" together with Nair.
For those international readers, "zol" is a colloquial term for cannibis and is mostly used by the smokers of the substance.
Naturally you can imagine the uproar over the statement, much like the furor over Bill Clinton's 1992 response of "I did not inhale". And of course, the ANC very quickly released a statement saying that Zuma had been referring to hand-rolled cigarettes and not cannibis. Uhuh...
Nice one Zuma!
Frankly I could care less about whether he smoked cannibis many years ago. He's still an absolute idiot for making a sentimental statment with such ambiguous and incriminating information. And even if he didn't smoke cannibis, there's always going to be that speculation in the minds of the public in future.

A note on monologuing

Rule #63 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

• Monologuing is for amateurs!

If you have to spend time explaining the hows & whys of your Super Evil Plan, to your goody-two-shoes, spandexed counterpart, while they surreptitiously free themselves of the bonds you tied them up in (so that they could watch helplessly as you implement Operation World Domination), then you've chosen an idiot for a nemesis.
A question like: "Do you know why I'm going to flood every major city on the planet with septic water Captain Squeaky Clean?" is a rhetorical question. Not the kind of one you then answer yourself, giving the 'hero' a chance to break free and thwart your plan in the final moments!
I know it's hard to find an intelligent 'hero' these days, but explaining yourself over & over, can get rather annoying and dull. And a nemesis is supposed to know you, be a reflection of you, in a sick and twisted way. So if they don't automatically get why you're going to open up a portal to the world of the warring lizard men- who you've made a dark pact with to wipe out all the idiots who chew gum with their mouths open- then they're not the right person to be your counterpart!
What's the point of doing villainous deeds when you have to keep explaining them all the time? You want people to be able to figure it out for themselves, without holding their hands and spelling it out for them.
So when you pick your arch rival, make sure they have at least two braincells to rub together!

Taking over the world can be a busy process at times

Sometimes a SuperVillain's life becomes nothing but go, go, go! It's a hard life, but someone has to do it. And so, my world domination plans have monopolised my time of late, affording me no opportunity to update this site. I do apologise, but consider it an opportunity to take some of my guidelines and implement them in your own villainous schemes and plans.

If you're going down, never admit it. Ever!

Rule #36 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

• If your plan for world domination, has gone down the toilet and is dragging you with it, keep kicking and screaming. And never, ever admit defeat! In fact, pay off everyone one you can, to act as if you're still on top.

If someone comes along with a smarter and better plan than yours, deny it, ignore it, bribe people, and always butter up the stupid and gullible masses.
Of course, it does help to have built up a mass following of mindless minions, over a few years.
Remember, Supervillains are smart and resourceful.
Take Micro$oft for example; Bill Gates started building up his world domination plan, rather successfully. Millions of people fell for his first few innocent drafts. After all, it was easy for an average person to use. Well, easier than most other things available at the time. And by the time Bill introduced exorbitant licences, people were already hooked, too brain-washed to realise their folly.
But Micro$oft hasn't been the only option available, for a long time now. More and more people are starting to realise this. They're also starting to realise that the other options out there are free, easy to use and you actually get a response to your bug reports. now
But never fear. In true Supervillainy style, Micro$oft are not going down without a fight. They still have millions of followers out there, that they'll keep milking for a good few years. Take a leaf from their book Supervillain trainees. Just make sure that the leaf you take, isn't the only leaf in your Supervillainy book!

If you're going to be cloned...

Make sure that your clone is slightly less smart than you. After all, you don't want to compete with yourself, for world domination, now do you?
Scientists at a Californian company, have successfully created mature cloned embryos from single skin cells of the company's chief executive and an investor. Wow. Let's hope the subjects were worth cloning...
But at least this is a successful step in stem cell research. Who wouldn't want to have replacement parts available? So your heart is weak, your liver's given up on your party lifestyle or that hair loss is affecting your pull with the ladies... Wouldn't it be great to just be able to pick up the phone, call your doctor and request a new head of hair?
And what of nanobots, stem cells and gene manipulation? What if you can get replacement parts that are manipulated slightly, into looking how you want them to look? So you're getting old and your skin isn't as elastic as before. What if you could regain that youthful-looking skin and get rid of those freckles or get a tan, at the same time?
What if your beauty products were tailor-made, with your own stem cells? They'd certainly start doing the jobs they were advertised to do. Who would need a face lift or laser treatment, if your daily moisturiser could do all that for you!
Either way, I'm hoping that by the time I'm much older, I'll be able to replace or rejuvenate my rusty parts. I'm also hoping that by that time, it'll be an affordable option. Believe it or not, but Supervillainy, doesn't always pay well...