Supervillain Basics: Track Records

There are a few things you just can't be a successful supervillain without; supervillainous powers, evil plans, timeousness, reliability & a trusty utility belt.
Success does not come from arriving late to take over the world or destroy your nemesis' entire collection of neon spandex jumpsuits. No Siree!
No one likes an unreliable supervillain (or superhero for that matter), because you just end up looking like an idiot & pissing people off.

So if you say: "Meet me at 8pm on the top of Trump Tower so that I can kick your toupee'd arse & wipe that cocky smile off your botoxed face", you better be there to deliver kid. Or you'll just go down in history as the no-show douchebag with the big mouth & short supervillain resume...

Even Supervillains get allergies too

It's no easy task being a Supervillain, because very little about it is conventional & calm. In fact, most of the time it's rather unconventional because being a Supervillain means that 'Super' is pretty much attached to everything.
That means getting the SuperFlu, being SuperSmart, having SuperPlans, losing SuperSocks in the SuperLaundry, shopping for SuperClothes at a SuperStore & of course, getting SuperAllergies.

Over the course of my SuperLife, I have developed some seriously super allergies. Mostly towards various foods & additives, but also to some other things.
Like teenagers - I'm highly allergic to those. They induce my up-chuck reflex in a way that can only be described as 'super'.
They're an evil scourge that I plan to rid the planet of as soon as I've taken over it. I have great plans for them - SuperPlans to be exact, & they involve 'green' energy, cycling machines & deep cycle batteries...

Another thing I am super allergic to is bullshit. I can only handle so much of it before I reach my SuperTolerance level & call someone's bluff in a way that I like to describe as 'brutal honesty'.
You're either up-front & honest about things with people, or you're bullshitting them - & no one likes to be played for a fool. Specially not a Supervillain; we're all about evil plots & secret plans, so we have a nose for spotting falsity & it's not a good idea to try & pull one over on us.
We don't take kindly to it & you'll probably find yourself out in the cold - in Antarctica, stranded & cuddling up to a bunch of male Emperor Penguins for warmth while you wonder when the Catch of the Day will be regurgitated up on the ice by your new girlfriend...

Yes, your cat has jedi mind powers & he *does* use them on you

According to a new "study", cats are exceptionally good at manipulating their owners into giving them what they want: food.
Apparently cats purr in a specific manner (called "solicitation purring" haha) that they know is hard for humans to ignore.
Of course, the response of cat-owners across the world is a resounding: "Duh!".
Why on earth do humans insist on maintaining a relationship with a selfish, snobby creature that visits when it suits it, eats all your food & then disappears off to appear charming & cute to the neighbours?
Because cats figured out a loooong time ago that humans are a bunch of gullible idiots who will do anything for a fluffy animal that can play "cute" on the odd occasion.
We didn't need a study to tell us that they are, in fact, evil, manipulating creatures from another galaxy that have successfully invaded our planet, eaten our catnip & puked up hair & bird skeletons under our beds.
You can read up about the "study here & here.