Putting the 'ass' in 'Astrology'

The universe is amazing & mysterious, and our knowledge of it is certainly in its infancy. Yet there are a few things we've learned about it so far, such as:
i) socks never stay paired forever, especially when thrown in a washing machine,
ii) toast will always land buttered-side down, &
iii) the Earth orbits around the Sun

These are all, of course, modern 'discoveries'', which is why I question the statement that "4,000 year old sciences" can help "reveal your future". 4000 years ago, most civilizations either worshipped the sun as a god, or believed in a geocentric cosmos.
I also find it difficult to fathom how E=mc² (the "mathematics of the universe") determines  whether I'll meet a tall dark stranger tomorrow, or if I'll get that promotion.
Call me a skeptic, but I doubt that 'Diana' (who claims to be good with numbers & predicting the future) can tell me next week's winning lotto numbers...

Supervillain Snippets

Where a criminal record is a prerequisite for staff.
Will have to look at recruiting minions from here...

The Supervillain's Guide to Super Fashion: Part 1

Gone are the days of where you were considered fashionable if you wore your underwear on the outside of your spandex tights. These days it's all about high tech fabrics that keep you clothed & looking good while executing your villanous plans & photobombing Captain Awesome's frequent self portraits.
But unfortunately we must still be bombarded with 'fashion' that looks like a bunch of designers took LSD & then attempted to copy a 5-year-old's drawing of a fruit salad. Somewhere in between the chunks of pineapple & papaya, is a section dedicated to the love of 80s fashioin - a trend that has been assaulting our senses for too long now.
Which brings me to one of Groupon's latest offerings: the Designer Mullet Skirt.

• Firstly, the words 'designer' & 'mullet' have no place being grouped together like that. Use separate sentences or go home.
• Secondly, who wants to walk around looking like Billy Ray Cyrus got all Achy Breaky with some fabric on your sorry arse!
• Thirdly, the description says: "elasticated waist to ensure easy movement when out and about". Read: cheap manufacturing to ensure that it fits all sizes.
• Fourthly, they've used a Frankenmannequin - the hands don't match the arms. So clearly times are tough.
• Fifthly, one of the options on offer is a "Screw Mullet Skirt".

Yes, avoid at all costs!

The Supervillain's Guide to Legacy

My favourite African dictator is at it again - providing us with a fantastic example of Supervillainy.
Surprise, surprise: Robert Mugabe has once again been 'chosen' as Zanu-PF's presidential candidate for next year's 'elections' in Zimbabwe. This was after super-gluing the presidential crown to his head, just before the announcement at a party conference.
After the announcement, Mugabe took to the stage to tell his supporters that their free T-shirts & food would be made available after the conference had ended, & that Zanu-PF would fight like a "wounded beast" to "win all our power back".
His show of determination is certainly inspiring, as is the story that his talented son is being discriminated against. Mugabe's wife Grace, took the opportunity to inform journalists at the conference that their eldest son Robert (19) has had to abandon his dreams of becoming a famous basketball star in the US, due to sanctions against him.

"We had to sit him down and explain that he cannot join a club playing in the US college league because of the sanctions. It hurt him because there was a lot of interest in him, but now he understands what it means to be the son of President Mugabe,"

Oddly enough the Telegraph reports that none of Mugabe's offspring are listed on any US or European sanction lists. It also reports that Mugabe's son failed his 'A' levels.
If his father has taught him one thing, it must be perseverance. Persevere & obtain your goal, and don't worry how you achieve it. And if you can't obtain your goal, just resort to violence & intimidation to get it.
Yes, now there's a legacy worth continuing...

Best video game ever invented

This is not the Android you're looking for

I just couldn't resist.
Again... ;)

The Supervillain Guide to Super Stupidity

There are stupid ideas & then there are ideas that make you wonder whether words such as 'human' & 'intelligence' should ever be applied to someone, in the same sentence.
Viewers of the recent Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York were treated to grand floats & displays, including some rather dodgy confetti - it seems that some of the confetti was made from shredded police documents, from the Nassau County Police Department's New York station.
Now if you're wondering whether someone pieced together wads of shredded paper, think again. Some bright spark (or sparks) decided to  make things super easy, by shredding the documents horizontally, instead of vertically.
Yes, that kind of special...
Unfortunately it seems that some of the documents contained banking details & social security numbers of police employees. Also found among the confetti were police reports, phone numbers, addresses & licence plate numbers.
Macy's has been very quick to point out that their confetti was made from die-cut paper & not paper shreds.
The Nassau County Police Department is "very concerned" about the incident & will be investigating it, as well as "reviewing [their] procedures for the disposing of sensitive documents".
Somewhere, someone is in a lot of hot water...

Twilight version 2.0

During my online browsing last night I came across the poster for a movie that piqued my interest, being a scifi fan.
The name sounded interesting, despite the lame poster, & so I clicked on the movie's page to read the synopsis summary -  which didn't sound too bad, until I got a good look at the poster & read the rather telling line of "From Stephanie Meyer the author of the Twilight Saga"...
While sharing the horrible news with a friend (also not a fan of badly-written books for teenage girls) I took a look at the Wikipedia page for Meyer's novel that the movie is based on.
What I read just reinforced my opinion of the fact that crap sells. In fact, unoriginal, formulaic nonsense sells best when thrown together with soppy emotional stuff & blended on 'high'.
Gone are the days of substance, creativity & originality. Clearly being smart isn't the way to go as an author these days. Neither is writing a sensible plot or creating interesting characters.
Read through the plot summary for Meyer's The Host & you'll tick many familiar points that are in the Twilight books:
Love triangle
'Humans' that aren't human
Aforementioned 'humans' being persecuted by real humans
'Humans' in hiding
'Humans' authority figure  persecuting real humans
More love triangle stuff
Female hero who tries to help 'humans'
Even more love triangle stuff
Love triangle stuff gets resolved & everyone lives happily ever after
Open door for multiple sequels

And there you have it; the Twilight stories basically, though with a few tweaks here & there, & a 'scifi' setting.
If you find it hard to believe, take a look for yourself...

The Host movie comes out  next year unfortunately, just in time for those Twilight fans who'll be bored of watching all 5 movies every Saturday.

Doctor Armstrong I presume?

Photo: Damian Dovarganes

If you're going to be a secret Supervillain, you can never get caught. Ever.
You lose friends, fans, sponsors & lawsuits, not to mention free entrances into swanky clubs & a place on the Queen's Christmas Card List.
You also lose honorary degrees, which are degrees you don't have to study for at all, bestowing you with the title of 'Doctor' - sans the ability to operate a stethoscope, of course.
An American university has  stripped Dr. Lance Armstrong of the honorary Doctor of Humane Letters they bestowed upon him in 2006, citing the fact that Armstrong's "actions as an athlete are inconsistent with the values of the university."
Since universities are synonymous with knowledge, learning & hard work, it's rather humorous to consider that Armstrong's acceptance speech in 2006, contained many inspiring gems that would've spurred the university's students to 'learn' from his outstanding 'values':

"For a guy who barely made it out of high school, I find it incredibly ironic that I am standing up here as a doctor," & "I would just ask that somebody send the photos to the principal at Plano East Senior High and let them know that I, in fact, graduated from Tufts and he has to call me Dr. Armstrong now."

No doubt Armstrong's former principal has been enjoying the long season of 'I told you so' recently. Unfortunately the legions of cancer survivors (both young & old) who saw Armstrong as a symbol of hope in their own battle, have not been enjoying the last few months so much.

There are con men, con artists & con-noisseurs - people who take deception to expert heights, leaving others in awe of their astounding capability to orchestrate the most elaborate & extensive webs of deception.
A few names come to mind - Charles Ponzi, Milli Vanilli, Frank Abagnale, L. Ron Hubbard & Richard Nixon.
But the 'cyclist' formally known as Doctor Lance Armstrong, looks set to go down in history as one of the greatest con men of modern times.
Personally, I'm waiting for the book & movie deals that Armstrong is probably negotiating at the moment. The proceeds should help pay back some of the millions he owes his former sponsors...

Star Wars state of mind

I just couldn't help myself...