Thailand, the deodorant

I have the perfect idea for promoting Thailand successfully, in a way that is honest & will truly attract tourists - well at least male tourists anyways. It capitalises on the rather famous sex industry here & everyone knows that sex sells...
Imagine a deodorant advert, like the rather famous Old Spice "the man your man could smell like" advert. Except this time there won't be a beefy guy at all.
In his place will be an overweight & sunburnt European guy, whose hair seems to have abandoned the top of his head & migrated instead to his chest & back. Said European guy will be dressed in shorts, velcro sandals & a golf shirt with the aforementioned hair spurting out over the collar.
Bob (because all good nameless idiots are labelled 'Bob') will be standing alone & dejected with his elasticated waistband & dull personality.
But things are about to change for Bob because Bob is suddenly handed a deodorant spray with the word "Thailand" emblazoned on the side in bold typeface. Bob then sprays Thailand onto himself & is immediately transformed before our eyes; attractive Thai women (& men, if Bob so desires) suddenly appear from nowhere, to lead Bob to a trendy bar & nightclub, where Bob is swooned & fawned over by the local 'flavours'.
The catch-phrase will be: "Thailand, where guys who can't get any back home, can get plenty for cheap cheap".
The parting screen will display the words "Thailand. Get some." before fading out to reveal a happy & 'satisfied' Bob, with a smile as wide open as his wallet.

Bangkok is great actually, but most of the foreigners here are male & clearly for obvious reasons - there are tons of attractive Thai women (& he-she's) who are desperate to elevate themselves out of poverty & latch onto a wealthy foreigner. And who can blame them? The life here for the average Thai is hard, with little luxury. Who wouldn't want the opportunity to serve the every need of a hairy foreigner if you get to live in a nicer neighbourhood, buy nice clothes & pamper yourself on a regular basis.
And of course there are loads of guys who have 'fallen in love' with a local Thai woman. Naturally they're easy to love because they're so eager to please.
So I suppose that even though it's a bunch of bull$h1t, it's a win-win situation for everyone involved.

The science of common sense

No self-respecting supervillain would ever shun science; it has aided many a supervillain in kicking some superhero butt & unleashing supervillainous plans on unsuspecting mortals & mere minions.
In short, science is a key implement in a supervillain's tool shed. It can make or break a nefarious plan & mean the difference between infamy, a supercool supervillain hideout, a resourceful utility belt, & a bad desk job where you pass the time with Solitaire all day long & stare at your cubicle partner's overly-large mole.
So in general I have a lot of respect for science & scientists. I think that science is exciting & inspiring; it's always pushing the boundaries of discovery & renewing itself.
Pushing the boundaries, however, does not involve telling people something they already know - specially not when it you are presented with a conclusion that is damn obvious & could be deduced through good ol' common sense.
Case in point would be the researchers at the University of California, who concluded (after spending good money on this) that people appear bigger & stronger when they're holding a gun.
No kidding guys! Give a guy a gun & I'll definitely consider him to be more friendly-looking without it. In fact, you don't need to be a scientist or a supervillain genius to figure that one out.
While money, time & effort could be spent on finding a cure for cancer, stem cell research or malaria, these guys are focusing their efforts on the painfully obvious...
Call me crazy, but I think this is one for the Ig Nobel prizes.

Telepathic Take Aways

There are some articles circulating about a Pentagon project that involves tons of money, some inventive scientists & so-called 'telepathic helmets'.
The Pentagon has apparently handed over a wad of cash to some neuroscientists at the University of California, to develop a special helmet that can 'read' signals from the brain & then transmit those signals to other nearby helmets. The aim of the project is for soldiers to be able to communicate silently in the midst of the chaos of battle.
At the moment, volunteers are given symbols to memorise. These symbols represent military commands & the volunteers are then asked to think of them while the electrode-fitted cap on their head is hooked up to a computer. The computer then monitors the chemical 'flares' in their brains when they think of the various symbols.
So far the accuracy rate is 45% & is expected to improve. So basically, 45% of the time the guys are thinking "shoot to kill, shoot to kill" & 55% of the time they're thinking "mmmmm pie".
Not bad considering that proliferation of videos on Youtube like this one.

But what a great idea! In fact, I can think of so many practical applications for this technology:
Who needs drive-through when you can just project your order & location to someone at Nandos & have them deliver?
Training your minions with subliminal stimuli will be so much easier & they'll be easier to control in the field.
Inter-species communication could become a reality, meaning that you may just be able to get your dog to retrieve your newspaper without shredding it...

Unfortunately I can also see some serious risks, like how vulnerable a network of soldiers with electrode helmets could be; rolling viruses, electronic surges, disturbing projections that paralyse the 'viewer'.

No doubt, at this point you're reminded of the movie Men Who Star At Goats, staring George Clooney & Ewan McGregor. Me too, since it's a great movie that makes you laugh & leaves you wondering just a little bit...
Which is why the claim that the US military will have telepathic helmets by 2017, is a little far-fetched to me.
I think by then, guys will still be getting confused between the symbol for "drop the bomb & nuke these buggers" & "I need the toilet, where's the bog roll?"
Call me a skeptic, but I don't think that having different guys trying to project the same symbol & using it in combat manoeuvres where heavy weapons, explosives & air strikes are involved, is such a good idea...

Even supervillains need inspiration sometimes

Being a supervillain can be hard & downright disheartening at times - your evil plans amount to naught, thanks to some over-zealous spandex guy with a butt chin dimple & a plastic smile. Your minions mess up, often. Your nemesis triumphs, a lot. Your laundromat shrinks your supervillain suit. Your family don't take your world domination plans seriously, neither does your bank...
Basically, you need a pick-me-up every now & then.
This Holstee Manifesto should help you bring some things into focus & remind you of what is important in life & what's not.

Madonna's Magical Mirror

So dear ol' Madonna keeps 'reinventing' herself in an attempt to maintain a presence in popular music & to keep the ca$h inflow going.
Of course, much of this reinvention relies on the digital wonders of Photoshop & its ability to airbrush away the effects of gravity & old age on your face.
So once again Madonna looks amazingly young in the promo material for her new album MDNA & in the music vids.
I'd love to know just how many hours the digital retouch artists spent to make her look that young again...
Frankly, I think that she's secretly been funding the development of certain Photoshop tools, cos she has a vested interest in their magic affects. I'm sure that she also has a team of digital retouch artists that have been trained in her super secret special facility somewhere in Mongolia, where potential prodigies are trained from a young age to make her look good & digitally turn back the hands of time.
The digital retouching on her photos is starting to become extreme & I'm sure there's going to come a day where she will simply not be able to go out in public - because the digital & real versions will be so disparate that her physical appearance will become harmful to her brand.
She might even have to resort to becoming all 'mysterious' & wearing a cowl, like Emperor Palpatine. In fact, she might just be Emperor Palpatine... Which means that soon she will need an apprentice with a uniform that has a large cellphone attached to the front, with the Emergency Pizza Dial Button.