Yes, your cat has jedi mind powers & he *does* use them on you

According to a new "study", cats are exceptionally good at manipulating their owners into giving them what they want: food.
Apparently cats purr in a specific manner (called "solicitation purring" haha) that they know is hard for humans to ignore.
Of course, the response of cat-owners across the world is a resounding: "Duh!".
Why on earth do humans insist on maintaining a relationship with a selfish, snobby creature that visits when it suits it, eats all your food & then disappears off to appear charming & cute to the neighbours?
Because cats figured out a loooong time ago that humans are a bunch of gullible idiots who will do anything for a fluffy animal that can play "cute" on the odd occasion.
We didn't need a study to tell us that they are, in fact, evil, manipulating creatures from another galaxy that have successfully invaded our planet, eaten our catnip & puked up hair & bird skeletons under our beds.
You can read up about the "study here & here.

Cycling - a form of population control

Take note of the sign (courtesy of Michal Zacharzewski, SXC) to the right, it is a warning; please keep cycling separate from any plans you may have to produce a large family - because the chances are unlikely.
Yehp, it's official: cycling is bad for you if you're male and intend to procreate at some stage.
It's all about being squashed against the saddle and the insulation caused by all that tight, synthetic clothing. So while your recently shaved (or waxed) legs might look great in that tight little spandex number, chances are you'll battle to have a son or daughter to pass those shapely legs onto...
I wonder when someone is going to do a study on Harley Davidson riders for the same concerns - not that I'm all that worried about their inability to produce offspring. ;-)

(Incidentally, SXC is a fantastic website for free stock photos that you can also submit your own stuff to)

Go compcom!

The Competition Commission have been busy little bees in the last few years - and good on them!
Their latest investigation will probe food prices and so, they will be investigating major food-store chains such as Pick 'n Pay, Shoprite-Checkers, Woolworths & Spar.
But it's not just about how much it costs to buy a can of tuna at Woolworths, compared to Pick n Pay, it's more about the inner workings of the whole setup.
Nandi Mokoena, the commission's manager of strategy and stakeholder relations (whatever that is - though obviously it's important & he gets paid a lot of money to do it) has stated that the investigations will delve into the conduct of retails & the effects it has on their competition.
In other words: there's been some fishy conduct on the part of big chains in order to secure buyer power. From signing exclusive & discounted rentals in shopping complexes, to rebates, exclusive supply arrangements, etc etc.
So far, there's been no objection to the investigation by the major players, so we'll see what the results are.

How to spy on your citizens legally & other amusing stories by the South African government

So apparently the Regulation of Interception of Communications and Provision of Communication-related Information Amendment Act has finally come into play, according to a report on IOL.com.
Of course, the Act should assist the local government in following in the footsteps of that great nation of the USA, who has proved time and time again that they truly are: "The land of the free and the home of the brave".
But getting back to local freedom issues...
From now one, anyone buying a prepaid SIM card will now have to provide proof of identity & residential address. Current prepaid SIM owners will now also have to provide details to their service provider, or their number will be terminated.
Lets consider a few things here:

• There are probably millions of South Africans who use prepaid SIM services, many of which live in rural areas. For those of you who live overseas, when I say "rural" I mean: living in a shack/hut/smartie-box-sized-house in an informal settlement where it's unlikely they'll be able to provide proof of residence.
• People in rural areas will probably be unable to get to the official place where they must now register, or re-register their details.
• There thousands of South Africans who do not have an ID document, due to their remote residential locations/hassles with the incompetent Home Affairs Department, etc etc etc

So now that you're forcing millions of people to provide documents they don't have, just so that they can have a form of communication (which is vital these days) - a lot of people are going to turn to fraud just to keep their number, or get a new one.
You will also anger those that feel that it is their right to have easy access to communication, without the hassle of making a special 100km trip just to keep their phone number.

Then of course you have the service providers.
Huge portions of their revenue is generated by prepaid services. They stand to lose millions (if not billions) of rands when numbers are cut & I don't think they're just going to lie down & take this.
Of course, they'll attempt to regain that money by charging exorbitant amounts of money to new customers & those that wish to "reconnect" their number - which makes for more angry people...
All-round, it's going to make a lot of angry, frustrated locals - providers and clients. And this, all in the name of "protection" & "security".
At this point, I'd like to bring to your attention that there is a lot less freedom and freedom of information in the USA than you think. Take some time to research their "Patriot Act" and the consequences thereof.
I'd also like to remind you that there are no more braves in the United States of America. They wiped them out, considering the act a patriotic one...

no freedom
no braves

Supervillainous Skivvies

One thing I've always wondered since I was a child (& I was introduced to the universe of superheros & supervillains) was; who on earth makes their awesome costumes? Those outfits are styled, cut & stitched so well that Christian Lacroix is apple green with envy.
How do they do this???
Consider the fact that the majority of superheros & supervillains are men, & then contemplate the fashion & tailoring skills of the average male...
It won't take long for you to draw your own conclusions, which I'm sure will overlap with some of mine. So either:

1. All superheros & supervillains are secretly dying to have their creations hung on a bunch of skeletons & strutted down the runways of Milan & New York.
   
2. All superheros & supervillains had sweet grandmothers who owned a haberdashery & instructed them in the ways of sewing & tailoring.
3. All male superheros & supervillains are far too in touch with their feminine side.
4. All superheros & supervillains hang around at fabric shops on a regular basis & know exactly where to get that industrial-strength spandex.
5. The guidebook How To Make Your Super Costume becomes available immediately on your induction into the Super Society of your choice (be it Heros or Villains). This guidebook is obviously strictly regulated & distribution is monitored by a super-secret society (much like the elusive Illuminati - but these guys don't have anything to do with the American dollar bill, the pyramids or Lara Croft).
   

Or

• Every single superhero or supervillain has at least one special power (yes, even the "powerless ones" like Batman).
  This power is the power to create a signature super-special super-outfit to distinguish yourself from the rest of society. This does mean that it is quite possible that all superheros & supervillains are simply following their careers as a result of a need to express their own unique sense of fashion.
  

So ultimately if you intend to chose supervillainy or superheroism as a career choice, you'd better be good with a needle & thread.

I'm still wondering if Batman has the bat symbol on his undies & who does the screen-printing for that...

Anaconda = electricity

No, I'm not talking about exploiting poor little sea snakes & eels & making them do hard labour all day just to power your tv!
Some clever little Brits have invented a rather innovative wave device that it pretty much one long sea snake.
Imagine a long tube anchored to the ocean floor that "rides the waves" as they come. The waves pass down through the 200m-long rubber tube, generating energy as they go. The surge at the end of the tube, powers a turbine - which in turn generates electricity.
In comparison to other wave devices, it's far simpler, inexpensive and less hazardous to sea life.
The plan is to have "shoals" of these devices in seas where there are large waves, like Scotland, Japan, Australia, etc etc...
Now, if u attach hooks onto the outside, you could offer thrill-rides for divers & make some bucks off it :-)

Tools of the trade

So the Brits have released some new toys for a new generation: a fresh take on Action Man.
My favourite is Diving Man to the right here! While everyone else has an effective weapon, his first line of defense is a wrench. Go Diving Man! Fight back the hordes of evil terrorists with that fearsome wrench of yours.
Of course, I had no idea that terrorists were into scuba... I always thought they'd have trouble with the beards & turbans underwater. ;-)

Chocolate-powered racing car?

I'm still debating whether this is my kind of car; it's fast, sleek, responsive & practical.
It features a steering wheel made of carrots, the driver's seat is made from soya beans & the bodywork is a combination of resins & vegetable fibres. All the oil lubricants used are plant-based & the biodiesel engine runs on vegetable oil & chocolate extract.
And that's just where the problem lies with this car for me.
I happen to like chocolate & I'm not sure If I like the idea of competition in terms of chocolate consumption... I'm wondering about the exact meaning of the phrase "chocolate extract" - I have a feeling they mean the best part of the chocolate & there's no way I can compete with a racing car in terms of Lindt consumption. My energy input & output just don't compare to 233km/hr around the racetrack.
I think I should be worried!
Luckily, the car doesn't meet Formula 3 regulations in terms of it's rather unusual fuel - so it's not eligible to race in the next season. So I can at least breathe easy for now. But if production goes ahead & car manufacturers jump on the bandwagon, I hope they feed the things cheap & nasty chocolate - cos cars don't get sugar headaches!

Skulls on Mars oh my!

Man, those little green men have funny shaped heads, according to a bunch of nutters who are convinced that the picture to the left here, is of an alien skull on the surface of Mars.
Of course, this begs the question: where's the rest of the body???
Maybe the area used to be a beach and a bunch of little green men were burying a friend of theirs in the sand for fun, when a freak tidal wave came and they had to leave this poor sod in the sand...
Or maybe this guy owed some green gangster a ton of money & so they buried him up to his neck & then let some strange Martian insects eat the flesh off his skull?
And why settle on the idea of little green men? Why not speculate that it's the skull of some ferocious Martian predator that wiped out all other life on Mars, cannibalised on it's own kind and then died off from starvation? All because some clever Martian went back in time to hunt ancient Martian dinosaurs and accidentally stepped on a Martian butterfly...
Sounds crazy right? Then again, so is looking at a rock and calling it a skull!!!
You can read about the insane assumption here.

tsk tsk

I know, I know, I know! It's been ages since my last confession, I mean post & that is terrible! I'll try & get back on track I promise :-)

Kiss that frog!

I love Peter Gabriel; he's a brilliant artist, doesn't take himself too seriously & has done a lot of good in the name of some worthwhile causes.
I love his song Kiss That Frog, but this little guy here is not the kind Mr Gabriel had in mind I think.
Add water to the cute little green guy & hey presto! a squat, strangely positioned little guy with terrible hair appears.
I think I'll keep the frog thanks...

Have some plastic with that food

Not the kind of drawing you would expect from a plastics company.
PolyFlav offers the unique service of flavouring the plastic container your food comes in, in order to enhance the taste...
Frankly I'd prefer not to ingest plastic-flavoured food. Besides the synthetic taste issue, I'm sure there are other hidden health risks.
Like scurvy ;-)

Where oh where could my luggage be?

Despite modern gadgets and sophisticated technology that has developed over the years since the invention of velcro and sliced bread, airlines are still losing luggage, sending off peoples' precious belongings to the strange destinations in abandoned corners of the world.
But if you've ever wondered what happens to all that lost & un-claimed luggage, wonder no more.
A bunch of savvy individuals in Alabama (obviously new and exciting things are hard to come by in that neck of the woods) have devised a use for all those items that clutter the Lost & Found departments at airports the world over - they're selling the items to would-be bargain hunters.
Yehp, you can buy your lost items back, if they've been found that is.
No doubt there are some rather "interesting" items in that store, aside from the bags of travel-sized toothpaste tubes & secondhand toothbrushes available for sale...

Bye Bye Bad Memories

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is a brilliant movie - one of those ones that leaves you going "hmmmmm" for a long time afterwards.
It also serves as a reminder that Jim Carey can be taken seriously as an actor and that occasionally he presents one with the opportunity to watch a performance that doesn't feature fart jokes and rubber-faced expressions.
But back to the fundamental idea behind the movie; what would the effects of controlling peoples' memories be & would it be a healthy thing?
Scientists in the Netherlands have been conducting trial experiments (with human subjects) in erasing/blocking traumatic memories - take a pill and all the bad memories are gone.
While I can see the value for victims of violence and such, I'm still left questioning the long-term consequences of such "treatments".
It's likely that the "treatment" will be far more readily available in first world countries - leaving third world countries with their bad memories.
There is already such a mental divide between wealthy & poor countries - just look at how unconcerned people are with the conflict in Darfur & how long people have been struggling to get the "powers that be" such as the US & certain European countries to actually give a damn. Administer this pill to the populations of western societies and we'll widen the gap between people.
Take a person who has no recollection of any violence or painful life experiences & let them try & relate to a child war veteran in some African country who watched their family get massacred at the age of 4 & has been killing people for the ten years since...
While the potentials for this magical eraser pill need to be considered, there are so many other things that come into play - when you consider it in a global light.

Jean Clutz van Dammit is back! Again!

Obviously inspired by the success of such internet phenomenons as The Hoff, Chuck & Vernon Koekemoer - Jean-claude van Damme has determined that his day of reckoning has come!
He has apparently decided to make Bloodsport 2: The Sequel (A washed-out fighter makes his comeback after many years of going off the rails!)
So in the first movie, his character battles his way through a deadly tournament, much like the Tekken games & the Tekken movie that is due for release this year.
Obviously a similar, predictable plot won't do for Jean Clutz! He wants to dig deep into the character, explore the role, expand on the plot, make it real, gritty, dirty and oh-so-awe-inspiring!

"You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2, which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son."

Man, I'm dying to see the movie already! I'm drawing no similarities between Mickey Rourke's recent comeback in The Wrestler, Sly Stallone in Rocky Balboa & the rest of those awful comeback movies that have assaulted & insulted audiences' intelligence over the last few years.
I wonder if he'll still be able to do all those ballet splits, now that he's 48...?

Cut that out!

Peter Callesen's art is ingenious, inventive & thought-provoking.
Take a look at his website & be amazed by the intricate designs.

Recycled kitty coat

Does this cat look happy to you? Of course not! He knows you're laughing at him, calling him ridiculous names, comparing him to Paris Hilton's over-grown shaved rats...
I suppose you're wondering why I have a picture of a shaved cat up here, besides the obvious humour appeal; this poor kitty was subject to a drive-by-fur-thief!
Pookey here was minding his own kitty business when the attacker struck, shaving his coat off in a nanosecond and constructing a bag out of the fur in a very cruel & malicious manoeuvre that will leave poor Pookey scarred for all his 9 lives.
A bunch of desperately bored people are offering a unique service to pet owners: shave your pet & they'll make a handbag out of the fur!
The only intelligent application I can suggest for this service is that you give the handbag to some stupid superhero who is allergic to cats or dogs. That, or you shave someone's annoying pet just for the opportunity to laugh at them...
I wonder if they do ear muffs?

And in the right corner, weighing in at 140 pounds, we have Grace Mugabe!

Okay, so I took a guess at her weight - but as we all know; accuracy isn't important when it comes to the affairs on Zimbabwe & their government officials.
But Grace "Money Bags" Mugabe is reported to have beaten up a Hong Kong reporter while her body guards held him.
There must be some mistake.
I'm sure Grace was merely giving a demonstration for locals of a traditional "struggle" dance with her fist held high in mock defiance at the imaginary white colonial oppressors.
The photographer must've bumped into her jewelled fingers by accident - thats where he got the 9 cuts from, as well as the huge bruises across his face.
Then again, it could be that Grace actually flew into a fit when she noticed the reporter photographing her on her 92,000.00 USD international spending spree that was funded straight from Zimbabwe foreign reserves. Nah - that's just a bit too far-fetched now innit?
Luckily for Grace, it looks like a hotel video camera recorded the incident. This should clear up any misunderstanding about the traditional dance demonstration that she & her bodyguards engaged in.

Zim to adpet the Rand!?!?!

According to a report in the Star, Zimbabwe is contemplating adopting the Rand as the currency, in an effort to stabilise the economy...
We're DOOMED! - It'll mean disaster for South Africa if this happens.
Of course, Robert Mugabe will blame the UK government for their hand in destroying the South African economy as a result.
According to Mugabe, the UK have sabotaged the Zim economy & caused the economic crisis that has resulted in extreme poverty across the country, except for the presidential palace of course - it has miraculously survived the hardship.
If old Bob's latest claims are to be believed, the British government has been using biological warfare in their "racist attack" efforts to annihilate the people of Zimbabwe.
Seriously impressive ideas Bob. Have you thought of making a movie out of it? I'm sure Spielberg would be interested - it sounds awfully epic!
So if the UK government is capable of causing a cholera epidemic, how long until they move onto other environmental weapons? Weather control would be an effective weapon, specifically droughts.
Maybe all the droughts in the past have been secret weather manipulation by the colonial cronies? And if that is true, they've been "attacking" many African countries with this powerful weapon over the last few decades.
Man, aren't those brits clever! Maybe the US could use this weapon in their gallant fight against global terror...

Goodbye 2008, hello 2000 & NINE???!!!

Where did all that time go?! I think my brain refused to go past 2005 or something. But a belated compliments of the season to all - I've been crazy busy since late October so I've hardly had a chance to do any updates on the ways SuperVillainy. Watch this space however...