This is not the Android you're looking for

I just couldn't resist.
Again... ;)

The Supervillain Guide to Super Stupidity

There are stupid ideas & then there are ideas that make you wonder whether words such as 'human' & 'intelligence' should ever be applied to someone, in the same sentence.
Viewers of the recent Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade in New York were treated to grand floats & displays, including some rather dodgy confetti - it seems that some of the confetti was made from shredded police documents, from the Nassau County Police Department's New York station.
Now if you're wondering whether someone pieced together wads of shredded paper, think again. Some bright spark (or sparks) decided to  make things super easy, by shredding the documents horizontally, instead of vertically.
Yes, that kind of special...
Unfortunately it seems that some of the documents contained banking details & social security numbers of police employees. Also found among the confetti were police reports, phone numbers, addresses & licence plate numbers.
Macy's has been very quick to point out that their confetti was made from die-cut paper & not paper shreds.
The Nassau County Police Department is "very concerned" about the incident & will be investigating it, as well as "reviewing [their] procedures for the disposing of sensitive documents".
Somewhere, someone is in a lot of hot water...

Twilight version 2.0

During my online browsing last night I came across the poster for a movie that piqued my interest, being a scifi fan.
The name sounded interesting, despite the lame poster, & so I clicked on the movie's page to read the synopsis summary -  which didn't sound too bad, until I got a good look at the poster & read the rather telling line of "From Stephanie Meyer the author of the Twilight Saga"...
While sharing the horrible news with a friend (also not a fan of badly-written books for teenage girls) I took a look at the Wikipedia page for Meyer's novel that the movie is based on.
What I read just reinforced my opinion of the fact that crap sells. In fact, unoriginal, formulaic nonsense sells best when thrown together with soppy emotional stuff & blended on 'high'.
Gone are the days of substance, creativity & originality. Clearly being smart isn't the way to go as an author these days. Neither is writing a sensible plot or creating interesting characters.
Read through the plot summary for Meyer's The Host & you'll tick many familiar points that are in the Twilight books:
Love triangle
'Humans' that aren't human
Aforementioned 'humans' being persecuted by real humans
'Humans' in hiding
'Humans' authority figure  persecuting real humans
More love triangle stuff
Female hero who tries to help 'humans'
Even more love triangle stuff
Love triangle stuff gets resolved & everyone lives happily ever after
Open door for multiple sequels

And there you have it; the Twilight stories basically, though with a few tweaks here & there, & a 'scifi' setting.
If you find it hard to believe, take a look for yourself...

The Host movie comes out  next year unfortunately, just in time for those Twilight fans who'll be bored of watching all 5 movies every Saturday.

Doctor Armstrong I presume?

Photo: Damian Dovarganes

If you're going to be a secret Supervillain, you can never get caught. Ever.
You lose friends, fans, sponsors & lawsuits, not to mention free entrances into swanky clubs & a place on the Queen's Christmas Card List.
You also lose honorary degrees, which are degrees you don't have to study for at all, bestowing you with the title of 'Doctor' - sans the ability to operate a stethoscope, of course.
An American university has  stripped Dr. Lance Armstrong of the honorary Doctor of Humane Letters they bestowed upon him in 2006, citing the fact that Armstrong's "actions as an athlete are inconsistent with the values of the university."
Since universities are synonymous with knowledge, learning & hard work, it's rather humorous to consider that Armstrong's acceptance speech in 2006, contained many inspiring gems that would've spurred the university's students to 'learn' from his outstanding 'values':

"For a guy who barely made it out of high school, I find it incredibly ironic that I am standing up here as a doctor," & "I would just ask that somebody send the photos to the principal at Plano East Senior High and let them know that I, in fact, graduated from Tufts and he has to call me Dr. Armstrong now."

No doubt Armstrong's former principal has been enjoying the long season of 'I told you so' recently. Unfortunately the legions of cancer survivors (both young & old) who saw Armstrong as a symbol of hope in their own battle, have not been enjoying the last few months so much.

There are con men, con artists & con-noisseurs - people who take deception to expert heights, leaving others in awe of their astounding capability to orchestrate the most elaborate & extensive webs of deception.
A few names come to mind - Charles Ponzi, Milli Vanilli, Frank Abagnale, L. Ron Hubbard & Richard Nixon.
But the 'cyclist' formally known as Doctor Lance Armstrong, looks set to go down in history as one of the greatest con men of modern times.
Personally, I'm waiting for the book & movie deals that Armstrong is probably negotiating at the moment. The proceeds should help pay back some of the millions he owes his former sponsors...

Star Wars state of mind

I just couldn't help myself...

Cookies from the Dark Side

The Supervillain's Guide to Reality vs Fantasy

Here on the left we have proof that even celebrities have bad hair days. Either that, or Alexander Skarsgard had just kissed a taser for a dare & was now deeply concerned about the state of his underwear while the photo was being taken.
But as we all know, bad hair days don't kill your celebrity status or cause you to lose lucrative movie roles.
Skarsgard has been tipped as the favourite to star in Warner Brother's upcoming Tarzan movie, which will apparently start filming next year.
This is good news for Skarsgard fans & fans of The Lord of the Apes stories.
It isn't, however, good news for one DeWet du Toit - a self-styled Tarzan fanboy, whose story was featured on news sites across the world in January this year.

du Toit spends his time playing Tarzan in the jungle near George in the Western Cape - which is rather ironic considering that the George of the Jungle cartoon series was originally inspired by Tarzan. But coincidences aside, du Toit has been immersing himself in the character of Tarzan, living in the 'jungle' for 3 days a week, when he runs around barefoot in a loin cloth.
During the rest of the week, he seems to divide his time between his job as a personal trainer & convincing Hollywood bigwigs that he should be the next Tarzan. His efforts have included numerous hours of self-tan application, sunbed use, black hair dye applied to his locks & the filming of short Tarzan-like movies, where he runs around with shaved legs - who knew that Tarzan invented the lady-razor?
So here's the Supervillain SuperReality Check: in a fantastical world, an ex-security guard from Namibia who runs around in a loin cloth, would be plucked from obscurity to star in a huge blockbuster based on his idol, going on to star in 5 sequels & living in a giant & luxury tree house for the rest of his life.
In reality, big names mean big money & studios will always pick a star that will guarantee them a successful return on their monetary investment in the movie's production.
It's another reason why Robin Hood spoke with an American accent & the studio had no problem with it.
In the words of Abba: money money money, ain't it funny, in a rich man's world...

Life's SO hard when you're popular...

... so many people, such little time!
That's probably what the Father of Our Nation (aka Steve Hofmeyr) is thinking right now!
That's because Die Hoff is so unbelievably popular, that he barely has the time to manage the burdensome popularity that fame has brought.
This is, of course, thanks to the legions of fans worldwide, who snap up his award-winning music & make it impossible for him to live a normal life - like being able to pop down to the Sasol in his stokies, for a late night cigarette run.
But, as with all big celebrities, Steve Hofmeyr has an agent & a contingency of staff to deal with the stuff that he's too popular for. Anything from doing his laundry, organising his backstage 'poppies' for after the show, to managing his marketing & booking his spot on the next Treffers album.
But when it comes to his online presence, Die Hoff has a more hands-on approach it seems...
Hofmeyr's Wikipedia page was recently hacked by someone whose distaste for Die Hoff is well-matched by their sense of humour.
Yesterday the page featured some funny edits, including the line that Steve is "a prominent member of the Mormon Church split group, known as The Morons, who believe members should conceive as many children with as many women as possible".
Like any popular celebrity, Hofmeyr has taken it in his stride, turning to Twitter to state that this type of thing happens almost every week & that Team Die Hoff don't even bother with corrections.
Clearly Team DH isn't a bunch of proactive people. It might have something to do with the fact that his music is probably played in the staff toilets...
Another amazing thing is that Steve Hofmeyr is just so incredibly popular & well-known, that his Wikipedia page is targeted almost every week! That's just incredible, considering how many South Africans have editing rights on Wikipedia.
What's also incredible is that according to the page's Revision History, there are plenty of weeks where the page hasn't been touched, at all.
Yes, life's very hard when you're as popular as Steve Hofmeyr, because sometimes the overwhelming demands of being a celebrity cause you to forget the minor details of your fame...

How many SAA staff does it take to get me a drink?

164.8 apparently - that's the number of SAA employees per aircraft, which makes it one of the most inefficient airlines in the world.
So government has just spent R5 billion bailing out a badly-run airline, with taxpayer's money. Clearly this is a smart move - keeping a troubled airline afloat at the expense of the public, while the fat cats at the top of the giant pyramid that is SAA, continue to rake in huge salaries & bonuses.
SAA's 2011 staff expense totalled R4.417bncan & I'd love to see the breakdown of their remuneration structure. No doubt a large percentage of that goes straight to the small group of top earners in the company, while the rest gets distributed to commoners working underneath them.
Very much like feudalism, whereby the guy at the top had everything.

But SAA can at least celebrate the fact that they are not the most inefficient airline in the world. That honour goes to Air India who have 221 employees per aircraft. It's worth noting however, that Air India have also been bailed out with taxpayer's money, by their government...