Find yourself a side-kick, before you get sick

Lonely? It could be the cause of those allergies & sniffles.
While doctors have been making the connection between loneliness & poor health for years, there's finally some substantial evidence that this is indeed a valid deduction. And it seems that it's all about gene expression. So basically, lonely people are depressed on a genetic level.
Loneliness is part and parcel of being a Supervillain I'm afraid. It's hard to find trustworthy people who share the same common interests, without infringing on your plans for world domination. My advice: find a good side-kick that will listen and understand.

Just sound out that candle please darling... ?

Acoustic fire suppression? Check out this video from Scientific American, where a team of students demonstrate that certain frequencies are capable of extinguishing flames.
So next time your attempts to woo the hero's girl with a romantic candle-lit dinner, go awry, try singing baritone at the flaming tablecloth.

Risk? Let others do that one for you

When it comes to good ideas, Supervillains are full of them. However, there are times when it's necessary to steal a good idea from someone else, especially if they're incapable of implementing it effectively on their own. That being said, it's important to remember that if you're going to steal an idea or a device that will aid you in your quest for world domination, ensure that you're get the final product.
In other words: let others do the risky hard work for you.
In terms of world domination, Jet Packs could come in handy. Really handy. If you're a fan of the Tribes games, you'll be familiar with its usefulness. Nothing like jet-packing up to a fourth story window and opening up a can o' whoop-ass on some enemies!
Adventurers and scientists have been working on individual, powered flight for many years now and, though things have progressed quite far, I think I'll wait a few years before I include a Jet Pack amoungst my Super Accessories list.
I'll wait until they've been through their casualties, faulty controls, fuel issues and numerous 'upgrades' until I get one of those. Why should I take the risk of flying into head-first into the Eiffel Tower at 160km/h, because the accelerator is stuck, when there are plenty of other people out there who'll accomplish that one for me?
And when individual, powered flight has bee successfully achieved, how will airborne traffic control work? People are bad enough behind four wheels, what will they be like with jets strapped to their back? And will they cater for moms & their tots, with an optional baby seat model? What about weather? Will their be models that handle rain & snow? Urban models, long-distance models, silent models for game-viewing?
It'll be an exciting time when you can just walk into a shop and buy your personal transport for the same price as a motorbike, strapping it onto your back, stepping out of the store and flying away.

Minion advice

Rule #25 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

• Make sure that your minions are reliable, loyal, trustworthy and consistent. And especially make sure that they understand the Plan and their role in it!
  

Nobody wants minions that change their alliance as often as they change their shoes. Consistency is key and a minion who sticks to the plan and isn't easily distracted from it, is worth keeping. Unfortunately, good help is hard to find these days.
You also want to be very careful of minions that are too smart. You can't have them hijacking your plan for world domination, executing it effortlessly and claiming all the infamy! But you can't have minions that are too stupid to even understand the plan. Years of watching lame American movies and bad sitcoms, have taught me that dumb minions, only cause trouble for you. And I've had my fair share of dumb minions around...
So remember, pick your minions wisely. You don't want to be associated with idiots!

Lying robots? Oh my!

Supervillain trainees, take note: if your side-kick or chief minion is a robot, make sure you know were the master Kill Switch is! Because scientists have developed lying robots. Be afraid, be very afraid...

If you're going down, never admit it. Ever!

Rule #36 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

• If your plan for world domination, has gone down the toilet and is dragging you with it, keep kicking and screaming. And never, ever admit defeat! In fact, pay off everyone one you can, to act as if you're still on top.

If someone comes along with a smarter and better plan than yours, deny it, ignore it, bribe people, and always butter up the stupid and gullible masses.
Of course, it does help to have built up a mass following of mindless minions, over a few years.
Remember, Supervillains are smart and resourceful.
Take Micro$oft for example; Bill Gates started building up his world domination plan, rather successfully. Millions of people fell for his first few innocent drafts. After all, it was easy for an average person to use. Well, easier than most other things available at the time. And by the time Bill introduced exorbitant licences, people were already hooked, too brain-washed to realise their folly.
But Micro$oft hasn't been the only option available, for a long time now. More and more people are starting to realise this. They're also starting to realise that the other options out there are free, easy to use and you actually get a response to your bug reports. now
But never fear. In true Supervillainy style, Micro$oft are not going down without a fight. They still have millions of followers out there, that they'll keep milking for a good few years. Take a leaf from their book Supervillain trainees. Just make sure that the leaf you take, isn't the only leaf in your Supervillainy book!

If you're going to be cloned...

Make sure that your clone is slightly less smart than you. After all, you don't want to compete with yourself, for world domination, now do you?
Scientists at a Californian company, have successfully created mature cloned embryos from single skin cells of the company's chief executive and an investor. Wow. Let's hope the subjects were worth cloning...
But at least this is a successful step in stem cell research. Who wouldn't want to have replacement parts available? So your heart is weak, your liver's given up on your party lifestyle or that hair loss is affecting your pull with the ladies... Wouldn't it be great to just be able to pick up the phone, call your doctor and request a new head of hair?
And what of nanobots, stem cells and gene manipulation? What if you can get replacement parts that are manipulated slightly, into looking how you want them to look? So you're getting old and your skin isn't as elastic as before. What if you could regain that youthful-looking skin and get rid of those freckles or get a tan, at the same time?
What if your beauty products were tailor-made, with your own stem cells? They'd certainly start doing the jobs they were advertised to do. Who would need a face lift or laser treatment, if your daily moisturiser could do all that for you!
Either way, I'm hoping that by the time I'm much older, I'll be able to replace or rejuvenate my rusty parts. I'm also hoping that by that time, it'll be an affordable option. Believe it or not, but Supervillainy, doesn't always pay well...

Is load-shedding the work of smart Supervillains?

While South Africans are asserting their Eskom woes, I have to wonder if the power cuts are not the result of highly-intelligent, super-talented Supervillains. Not!
It seems cyber extortionists are targeting power facilities, hacking into systems and threatening to cut off power to whole cities, unless vast amounts of money are wired to their off-shore accounts.
These criminals have obviously targeted our very own Eskom. Not such a smart move boys. I certainly won't be including those 'villains' on my Christmas Card list. What idiots! (They must be American...)
It's Eskom, so naturally there is no money in the coffer to pay the ransom. Because the Suits & Head Honchos at Eskom, are rich bastards with luxury yaghts and personal back-up generators, who all live in the same neighbourhood where conveniently, there are never any power-cuts. Their neighbours also happen to be the majority of the country's top politicians. Do you think cabinet members sit around and do candle-lit debate prep? I don't think so. I certainly can't picture Manto writing her thesis on "The African Potato and its Immune-Boosting Effects when Used in Conjunction with ARVs" with a couple of candles to light her scribblings.

Rule #45 of The Supervillain's Guide to Super Villainy:

• If you're going to blackmail an institution or an individual, make sure they actually have one-fifty-gazillion dollars, before you try.
  

If you're going to fake it, make sure the plan is idiot-proof!

So, we've all secretly wanted to do something crazy, like send David Hasselhoff a valentine's card or be the first person in the world to punch George Bush's lights out.
But if you're going to do something outlandish and risky, make sure it's executable dammit!
Take this 16-year-old Japanese kid, who walked into a nightclub and had a very extravagant evening, conning everyone into believing that he was a rather rich playboy. When the evening came to an end, he simply told staff that he had no money and couldn't pay the ¥370 000 bill.
Here's some advice from a trained professional and experienced Supervillain:
1) Always have an escape plan! - He should've gone "I'm just going to the bathroom" and then climbed out of the window, disappearing off into the night and leaving everyone to wonder if he'd eaten bad sushi.
2) Never give the game plan away! - Why on earth would you want to pull something off so stylishly and then throw it all away by admitting that you're conning everyone?
If you're going to be daring, be smart. The Idiot Club has enough members already, as well as an extremely long waiting-list.
Supervillains are smart, resourceful, never monologue and tell the 'hero' the intricate details of their evil plot and they never, ever get caught!

Is FaceBook the ultimate Supervillain?

So I've been on Facebook for a while now. I think it's a great idea, but it's also highly likely that it's evil incarnate.
There's so much information shared on Facebook; personal info, incriminating info, interesting info, damning info, useful info and downright shameful info.
From a supervillain's perspective, it is a useful tool for finding those nafty spandex-wearers. But it's also now become: the new battle ground for politicians, the place to bust bad guys, a way for over-zealous parents to stalk their kids, a convenient way to find hard evidence and a quick way to get yourself fired.
It's also the place for people to raise money for charity, encourage awareness of certain issues and debate major world politics.
And while it's a great place to see what all those idiots you went to high school, are up to, it's also an environment that has the potential to do the greatest harm to your social life and/or career. Why? Because the average person has very little common sense and posts everything up there.
Facebook could be (and in some circumstances, already is) a very useful tool.
And what of the future of Facebook? I think it'll morph into much more than just a social networking tool. It'll become the new eBay, irc, gmail, news network, dating and all-round exchange site, where anything from info, to goods to gossip, will be shared.
Maybe it'll turn out to be a great tool for organ-runners and drug-dealers.... :P
Either way, Facebook and MySpace are much like Google and the launch of gmail; markers on the evolution path of the Net. Jump twenty or forty years ahead, and the Net will be one giant social network where everything that you do, is logged, archived, searchable and available for everyone to see.
So be careful of what you casually throw up on Facebook. In twenty years time, you'll still be regretting that picture of you wearing women's underwear!