Chicago is a looooooong way from here

WGN is Chicago's very own broadcasting station with its own news.
Clearly the journalists over there need some geography lessons, judging from the screen cap I was forwarded.
Of course, it's very easy to confuse South America with South Africa, what with both of them being south & all that stuff.
I suppose if you flip South America on its vertical axis, it'd look just like Africa - which means that maybe the person who is responsible for this gross geographical blunder, is dyslexic...
Unfortunately for the poor news anchor here, it looks like he's the dufus responsible for the mistake because his mug is right next to the offending picture.
Way to go WGN!

I'm sorry Your Honour, the dog ate my evidence

So Jackie Selebi was supposed to bring receipts to court today to justify how he & his wife had arrived at their expenses budget they had previously submitted to the court.
Unfortunately for Mr Selebi, his very silly wife had conveniently 'discarded the slips' the day before because she apparently found 'better evidence' to back up their budget.
Not only did she throw the slips away, she also had the foresight to tear them up into little pieces before she discarded them, just in case someone would use them for fraudulent purposes, or perhaps incriminating evidence in a trail that is now a joke.
Obviously Mr Selebi has the same opinion of prosecutor Gerrie Nel (& the residing judge), as many school children around the world have of their teachers: one that assumes the person in authority is devoid of any intelligence & stupid enough to believe the old 'the dog ate my homework' tale that's been spun a million times before.
Clearly Mr Selebi is confident that he will get off scot-free, otherwise he'd be spinning more convincing lies.

The Supervillain Guide to Super Spending: Get a job in government & then ask for ridiculous armounts of money

So according to Water Affairs Minister Buyelwa Sonjica, government need to spend R23 billion over the next 6 years to fix the country's 'network' of waste water treatment stations.
Apparently most of the plants need to be refurbished & the R23 billion is merely an estimate...
Frankly - while I don't deny that we are seriously lagging behind in terms of infrastructure in this country - I do wonder at the R23 billion figure.
Its a lot of money. A heck of a lot! Probably enough to buy out Zimbabwe & some other impoverished African country ruled by a corrupt dictator who flits over to Dubai regularly for shopping holidays.
Of course, I'm sure that the costs of redoing the country's waste recycling plants will be a huge expense, but I can't help think that there's a few fancy BMWs stashed into that budget on the contractor's side.

People Are Gullible & other such proof that Darwin's theory of evolution is true...

So according to a poll by Reuters 1 in 5 people believe aliens exist & that they live amongst us, disguised as humans.
In a survey of 23,000 adults in 22 different countries, it was found that more men believe in aliens than women (22% versus 17%), most skeptics are women & that the percentage of believers is higher in more densely-populated countries.

"more than 40 percent of people from India and China believe that aliens walk among us disguised as humans, while those least likely to believe in this are from Belgium, Sweden and the Netherlands (8 percent each)"
Wow! Clearly Sculley was of Scandinavian descent while Mulder had Chinese in him somewhere.
So it seems that if you live in a crowded country, you're more likely to be suspicious of your neighbour. This also means that the more space you have to yourself, the more likely it is that you are still in possession of your own brain & it has not been fiddled with by your lazy-ass, beer-drinking, late-night-tv-watching, bum of an alien buddy Mike (or in the case of the believers in question: Abdul).
Of course, with all that stupid around its a miracle the human race keeps on going.
Incidentally, there are numerous accounts of "alien abductions" online should you feel in need of a good laugh. Either that, or you could listen to David Hasselhoff's music for a pick-me-up.

April Fool's - how to make fake geeks panic

There's been some great April Fool's jokes over the years.
My favourite is definitely Sir Richard Branson's:
Although he was a day early - a mistake on his part due to being blown off-course (so the April Fool's joke goes both ways) Branson landed in a UFO-shaped balloon in a field outside of London in 1989 & emerged in a silver suit - freaking out the police & the crowd of onlookers who had gathered.
Brilliant & hilariously funny in the spirit of the day.
IOL's report of Somali pirates holding the internet for ransom by hijacking the Seacom cable, not as brilliant.
Of course, there are still going to be people who fall for it & panic about the end of the internet as we know it.
I'm still debating whether their report about Steve Hoffmeyer trying to play the hero by chasing 6 armed men down after a robbery, is an April Fool's joke. Unfortunately the article was published on the 31st of March...

How to steal money from South Africans & Other Such Handy Tips from the National Lottery Board

So the National Lottery Board has finally admitted what we've all known for a long time now - the CEO & other such pompous Suits do backstroke every morning at work in the company's olympic-sized swimming pool filled with R200 notes.
Either that or there is 6 BILLION RANDS worth of funds lying around somewhere instead of being distributed to NGOs & charities!
That is an insane amount of money!
We could pretty much buy Zimbabwe with that money, or at least give it out to the charities & NGOs that it was originally intended for... Which, incidentally was part & parcel of why the lottery was set up in the first place.
So since staff at the company have conveniently failed to bring this discrepancy to light looooong ago, I wonder what else has slipped their minds?

"Spend MORE money on my lavish lifestyle to ensure tourism please"

King Goodwill Zwelithini has officially requested that the government refurbish his palaces & display his portrait in public places (in KZN) during the Soccer World Cup. Apparently this will attract tourism to the province of KwaZulu Natal.
I highly doubt that seeing a poster that says 'This is the Zulu king' is going to make foreigners go: "I must return to this sacred place, because there is a king here. I will spend my hard-earned money to return here so that I may journey to the far reaches of this province, & pay homage to this great king of the Zulus."
More likely it is just another attempt to get millions from government to spend on his expensive lifestyle.

Malema-isms or Julius-isms? I think I'll go with JuMa-isms

If Julius Malema were the ANCYL's superhero mascot, his spandex outfit would be appalling.
On the right is the ANCYL's logo, which is fine, but we all know how well those colours look on outfits (think of those awful tracksuits our athletes have been forced to don through the years).
But as far as superheros go, Malema is doing a sterling job in the same way that George Bush did: outlandish claims and some serious misapplication of the English language.
Of course, his superhero name would be something deemed trendy by his PR team. Something like JuMa, & so, for the remainder of his political career, that is what I shall refer to him as. Some people refer to him as Juju, but this sounds far too much like a chewy sweet that a five-year-old would appreciate.

But now for the supervillain rant.

The latest fiasco regarding his lavish lifestyle certainly has him pissed, hence his attempts to distract our attention by shouting loudly about something or the other. Kind've like Jeremy Clarkson does when he's unimpressed with the handling of a sports car round the Top Gear race track.
Unfortunately Clarkson & JuMa will never learn that shouting at or about anything will not bring about some magical change.
Fortunately for Clarkson (and Top Gear fans), that is where the similarities end.
JuMa, however, continues down the "if I point fingers, maybe you'll forget about my dirty laundry" path.

And so, we now move on to the so-called "intelligence document" that "intelligence officers" apparently handed over to him recently.
(Please note that the word "intelligence" will always appear in inverted commas in this post, for rather obvious reasons...)
And according to JuMa, the police have also verified the validity of the "intelligence" document.
I can just imagine the verification process now:

*JuMa walks into his local police station with his entourage, usual pomp & ceremony and a piece of paper in his hand. Scanning the room to see if anyone is admiring his tailored suit, he prances up to the counter and grabs the attention of the nearest officer by slamming said piece of paper down on the counter*
JuMa: 'Officer! I want you to verify that document!'
*Officer blinks back at JuMa for a few seconds before examining the paper*
Officer: Well sir, I can verify that it is a piece of paper & that there is writing on it. It seems to be list of names.'
JuMa: 'Exactly! *gestures triumphantly to his entourage* It is a list of names!'
Officer: 'Yes sir, it is. Would you like me to officially verify & stamp it?'
JuMa: 'Yes!' *nods enthusiastically*
Officer: 'Ok'
*The officer hands back the paper when he is finished*
Officer: 'Now sir, if you can just sign here *points* & here *indicates again* & then we are good to go.'
*At the instruction, JuMa proudly signs in the alloted places*
JuMa: 'Right, now we have the evidence of a political plot!'
Officer: 'You know *examines signatures* that writing looks familiar...'

Frankly the claim smells fishy to me, along with the numerous other claims & accusations JuMa has made of late.
The SAPS has not confirmed that the document has been brought to their attention.
How convenient that this is brought to our attention by the man who is under a immense public scrutiny right now?
It also begs the question: if (& that's a really big 'if' there!) "intelligence" officers handed the document to him, what the hell are National Intelligence Agency operatives doing handing out "intelligence" reports to political parties?!?!
It makes me wonder what kind of reports the KISS Party & the Soccer Party are getting...

Further details of the claim can be found on IOL's site.

World Cup ticket prices slashed for locals

So Fifa have woken up & realised that 1) local soccer fans can't afford ridiculous ticket prices, 2) foreigners are being ripped off by local businesses & 3) loads of people have been scared off from coming to the country by sensationalism & over-the-top media reports.
Ticket sales haven't been as good as they'd hoped & so now they've "revised" their approach & are planning on slashing prices for locals in order to fill stadiums.
Tickets will be sold to South Africans at around $20 a seat - which is around R155 a ticket - far more affordable than the previous prices.

$$$$$ just to be deafened by vuvuzelas?

Have you actually had a look at how much ticket prices for the World Cup are? The crappy seats are R490 & for an average seat you are looking at R1400-R1800!
How are the local soccer fans supposed to afford that?
All those lovely adverts encouraging locals to buy tickets & be there for the historical event are pointless. Most of the local soccer fans are in the low income tax bracket - even R490 is too much for them.
Oh yeah & in case you're confined to a wheelchair, you can get a spot at R490 too. Not that disabled people could afford that either, considering how few of them have employment & how little those that do, get paid...

So now that the stadiums are going to be filled by foreigners, those South Africans who turn to their usual option of going to a sports bar, will probably have to look elsewhere.
Apparently the Department of Trade & Industry have drafted a legislation that will require any pub, restaurant, hotel or university to purchase a R50 000 special liquor license if they want to screen World Cup matches & sell liquor at the same time.
WTF!?!?!
I'm sure this one is going to go down well...

Spiderman Spiderman, does whatever a Batman can

So the first Spiderman movie was damn cool. It launched a whole new era for superhero movies. Spawning loads of copycats; some succeeding and some failing dismally, reminding us of those bygone days of cheesy comic book adaptations that no one took seriously at all - think George Clooney & Chris O'Donnel's bad chemistry and Uma Thurman's appalling attempt at Poison Ivy.
Of course, we all waited with bated breath for the second Spiderman movie, which turned out pretty dismal. Of the third attempt very little can be said, suffice to say that I think a goat herder in outer Mongolia could produce a more interesting movie.

I used to enjoy Spiderman cartoons as a kid, but the novelty wore off for me eventually. I think it was Mary Jane who was responsible for my diminishing interest. I found her pretty annoying in the long run & I had hoped that they would redeem her in the movies.
They didn't.
In fact, they seem to have exasperated the annoyance factor by playing up the fickle "I'm a blond idiot who can't decide on something & stick to it" trait.
So in all, the first Spidey movie received much acclaim, setting up audiences for what they hoped would be a sound set of sequels. But alas, the movies fell short of the fans' dreams. Way short.

Introducing: the relaunched Batman movie franchise.
Well-directed movies showcasing the gritty, dark reality side of Batman's alter-ego Bruce Wayne & the fact that being a superhero isn't about spandex, hot chicks & over-the-top villains. (Yes, I know the Spidey movies tried that too, but they just didn't get the formula right)
In short: the Batman movies worked because they were believable, well cast & weren't directed like one very long music video.

And so, now that DC Comics have kicked some serious ass with their relaunched franchise, Marvel are attempting to redeem themselves again by "relaunching" the Spiderman movie franchise.
Personally I think they're trying to torture us even further with Mary Jane, but that's just my opinion...
They've "fired" main star Toby Maguire & Sam Raimi, the director, so I guess we'll see who they chose to torture us with next.
Oh yeah, and following the major success of Avatar, Spiderman 4 will apparently be in 3D. So now you'll get to see Mary Jane whine in 3 dimensions.
Great.
Fortunately we can breathe easy for a while - the release is set for July 2012.
Unfortunately, we'll probably have to watch Zac Efron or one of the Jonas brothers squirt webs out of their wrists...

Woolworths stop shaving their chickens

Supervillains need to eat, much like camels, fish, minions & other such things like the rest of the human race.
So I noticed at my local Woolworths store the other day (while shopping for SuperVillainous Supplies), that they've changed the name of some of their products in what can only be an attempt to comply with some ridiculous guilt-free guidelines on product marketing:
Woolworths are no longer shaving their chickens, pigs, turkeys & cows it seems - because obviously that is politically incorrect & suggests that they torture the animals before they slaughter them in cold blood for the sake of their hungry, meat-eating customers.
Gone are the packs of shaved/sliced ham & chicken; now we have skinny poultry & meat in the form of "Wafer Thin" packs.
So shaving your farm animals is out, but keeping them skinny & cat-walk ready is fine. Just as long as they don't sound tortured before they're killed for the dinner table...

The depths of MTN stupidity knows no bounds

When you're running a SuperVillain campaign - or at least trying to, you need equipment that works properly. Like a successful utility belt that cinches in the waist & has kickass little gadgets that can assist you with those daily tasks like scaling a wall or stealing ice cream from unsuspecting brats.
Needless to say; stuff must work - like your cellphone! No SuperVillain can survive these days without one. After all, your minions are available at a touch of a few buttons & you can order pizza to your SuperEvilVillainousLair in a jiffy. Convinience, I name the Mobile SuperVillain Phone!
So I have been a MTN customer for years now & one thing I have learned is that they are incredibly similar to car companies out there; they'll smile widely & give you a great deal in order to get you to purchase their car, but when something goes wrong - you can forget about any backup/support service.
I recently upgraded my phone to the HTC Hero (which I'm loving btw) & somehow in the process, my 500mb data bundle (that I'd had for 2 years) got canceled.
So I've wasted TONS of "voice" time on data, loaded extra airtime on my Top-Up contract account, wasted that money too, phoned MTN, gotten them to reload the data bundle, bought more airtime, wasted it again, found out that there's no freakin data bundle on my account!
I've jumped up & down, contacted supervisors & managers, driven to the shop where I upgraded, jumped up & down some more, waited 2 weeks, driven back, lost it, calmed down, vented, steamed & held myself back from strangling a LOT of people.
Now I have to wait until they bill me before they can see the screw-up they've made, because apparently, it's impossible for them to see their mistake before the invoice is issued.
I think I've met fungi with more coherent thoughts than the individuals at MTN that I've dealt with.

No squirrels with guns, but lots of raptors at Eddie Izzard

So my abs were suitably worked last night at Eddie Izzard - the man is BRILLIANT! I can only hope that he returns to South Africa on a regular basis now.
The material was familiar in a sense that he touched on some classics & old favourites, but everything had a new approach & spin on it.
I attended the extra show that was slotted in at the last minute - all his Johannesburg shows were sold out.
Hopefully he'll realise that he has a wide audience in the country & return next year.

Top Gear Live is only for skinny people

Because those seats are TINY! I'm 1.72m tall & 55kgs - and even I felt very squished...

All in all, the live show is pretty cool, although next year I will sit much closer to the front because the sound at the back isn't that great.
Pros:

• Unbelievable stunt driving in a very small space
• The tickets were a gift - not paying for something like that is pretty cool
• Jeremy Clarkson & James May are funny (even if you can tell they're a bit tired of saying the same joke for the 11th time)
• Audience participation ideas were damn nifty
• Drool-worthy vehicles
• They played soccer with cars & the dents were cool - some staged moves but still great to watch
• The loop of death was awesome!
• 
  
• The Stig!!! - though I think it was one of the stunt drivers who'd stolen Stig's clothes in a vain attempt to score some chicks.
• Up close & personal with the hot cars in the exhibition
• James May & Jeremy Clarkson in person!
• Some nice pyrotechnics

Cons:

• Merchandise was ridiculously expensive! - R200 for a cardboard cut-out of the Stig (I almost beat up a little rich kid who had one...), R100 for a mug or a little keyring!!!
• Sasha Martinengo as a lame replacement for Richard Hammond (I'm not a Sasha fan)
• No Richard Hammond :-(
• Not enough of the Stig
• Stig "skit/gameshow-thingy" was a lame idea - could've been better
• Sound quality wasn't 100%

Will I go again: YES!
Next time I will take a cushion, sit in the front row for some leg room & hope that Richard Hammond is there ;-)

Take a number & wait in the queue

So we have Google SA, our very own local branch of the giant corporation; which currently consists of less than 10 people sitting in a little office in Dimen$ion Data's sprawl in Bryanston.
They've been around for a little while now, promising a lot in the local media & going through staff like paper cups at the water dispenser.
According to the 'Country Manager' Stephen Newton (appointed last year), South Africans are in for an exciting Google-filled year.
Once again, there's a lot of promises being thrown out there, but if you're an HTC owner - you'll have to wait a little longer.
The HTC Hero was locally released in the 4th quarter of last year, running that nifty little OS that's set to take over the world: Google's Android.
Of course, the phone was shipped with version 1.5 and there's been a few updates & versions since then. There's also a few bugs/problems with the phone, that the latest version fixes rather nicely.
The annoying news is that there's no definite solution for Hero owners locally.
HTC's official response is:

Google Global has not given Google SA the authority to release ROM 2.0 or higher. And we cannot confirm if the software will be released or not. We need to wait for the Google SA updates.

The unofficial verdict from the local distributors of HTC products is that Google want to do the update as a network download available to local owners - over 100mb for people to download over their 'reliable' network...
Of course, they're trying to convince Google to allow walk-in upgrades (whether this is at one of their support centers, or the service provider's stores, is unclear). The issue should apparently be resolved by the end of February.
Great.
So I buy an Android-enabled device, with the hope that my life will be blessed by the simplicity & genius of the software, only to get bugged down by the politics of 3rd world technology issues.
Long live Google SA & their promises of "a better, more innovative web".
-cough cough-
Just wait for the new Motorola Droid people - you can upgrade to the latest version through the device.

Jacob Zuma smokes his 20th cigar

I've been told that becoming a dad is a momentous occasion, filled with pride, apprehension and awe.

Of course, I'm sure by the 20th time, the feelings aren't so fresh & you're probably quite blasé about the whole thing.
Yes, Jacob Zuma has done it again - obviously he didn't shower after this one...

It must be difficult, managing the presidency of a country, being married 5 times, having 2 fiancées, 20 children, a few trials under you belt - I can't imagine the stress this man is under.
He must be taking tips from Tiger Woods.

Wear Yoda's shoes???

No, not that pair! Because if Yoda did wear shoes (which he doesn't btw), they'd be as old as he is & probably just as stinky - cos you know Yoda doesn't bath & you can't tell me that he uses The Force for that fresh just-been-yanked-from-my-cosy-family-life padawan smell!
So somehow (& I really am wondering how on earth this particular collaboration happened) Adidas & Star Wars have come together in the form of Star Wars-themed street sport apparel.
I must say, that as a Star Wars fan, some of the stuff is pretty cool - like the t-shirts. Of course, if Adidas can take Star Wars apparel into mainstream street fashion and make it cool, then maybe the middle-aged fanboy hermits who have been wearing pictures of Leia's slave outfit on their backs since their teenage years, can fit in a little more.
Then again, maybe not.
Either way, this is just another example of how cool Star Wars is in comparison to Star Trek.
You see, if Adidas came out with Star Trek gear, nerds would rejoice at being able to buy 10 versions of the same shirt 6 months later in a surplus store.
But there is one item from the line that scares me: the Yoda sneaker/moccasin hybrid pictured here. They're ugly, really ugly. In fact, fugly is a perfect description.
They look like something very old men wear when they go for a walk through their retirement complex. Yeah, you know the ones I'm talking about.
Check out some nice picks of what's available in the range over at starwars.com or click on the picture of Yoda's Old Man Fogey shoes above, to check out the lame advert from Adidas.

Things to be grateful for:

1) Be grateful for the fact that the world is full of potential minions. Thankfully, there's lots of mooks too - which are always handy to have in your SuperVillain Campaign.
Unfortunately there are lots of quacks out there & so, its always good to be grateful for not having your SuperVillainous Evil Plans being messed up by such individuals.
Good examples of those individuals can be seen in the points below.

2) Be grateful for the enigma that is the human brain, for it is an endless source of ideas.

If you have ever found yourself worried about advanced alien technology that can read your innermost thoughts - fear no more!
Thanks to a US "technical writer for a government agency" there is a solution: an anti-alien spying & abduction helmet invented by a professor no less!
I've already ordered mine & I can't wait for it to arrive because my tinfoil hats are just getting too expensive to keep making & they don't last long anyways.
Finally I will have a long-lasting anti-alien thought-spying device to protect me from their probes.
I can't tell you what a difference this will make in my life, but here's an idea: about as much difference as listening to David Hasselhoff's music.

3) Be grateful for the fact that certain individuals never leave the borders of their country of origin.
A few examples of said individuals can be found here.

Brits weigh in on handbags

There are individuals out there who paddle upstream, defying trends & opinions to blaze a trail into new territory. Sometimes they are pioneers & sometimes they are people with a lot more money than sense.
While scientists, doctors, organisations & other societies are throwing money, time & effort into such things as cancer & AIDS research, there's always those select few who feel that its the little things that make all the difference in life.
Cue the "researchers" at Debenhams, a British department store who felt it was vitally important to study the weight of women's handbags & how that has evolved over time due to technological advances.
Their "studies" (& I use that in the loosest sense of the word, because I have no idea how on earth they conducted their research & my imaginings are quite hilarious I must tell you) show that because gadgets have gotten smaller & lighter, women's handbags are weighing less over time.
Wow. I would never have thought of that myself. Thank goodness they pointed it out to me. I feel enlightened, & so does my handbag...
Its teams like this that we simply cannot live without - where would we be if they weren't throwing money at research like this? I mean, forget disease, hunger, poverty - women's handbags are so much more important & everything seems trivial in comparison.

Supervillain advice: Faking it

Getting caught is a SuperVillain's nightmare, because sometimes there is no escape from the spandexed grip of Captain Goody-Two-Shoes and his carefully-coordinated outfit & matching mode of transportation.
Sometimes, you get locked up in a SuperVillain-proof cell, specially tweaked to counteract your Super Villainous Powers where it can take ages before an opportunity for escape arrives. And if the wait is too long, you do what any smart SuperVillain would do: fake an illness or an episode of psychosis.
Which leads me to my next bit of advice - If you're going to fake an illness, don't blow the act by going on luxury shopping sprees, golf days & exclusive holidays at expensive hotels.

The Mail and Guardian Online has confirmed what every South African has known for a long time now: Schabir Shaik has been faking it all along.
The publication managed to get their hands on the medical reports that were submitted in support of Mr Shaik's parole application & from the sounds of things, they are quite telling...
Now starts the witch hunt to find out exactly who knowingly helped healthy Shaik orchestrate his charade.
Hopefully heads will roll for this one.

Go see Avatar now!

If you haven't seen Avatar yet, get off your butt & see it now! And if you've already seen it, go & see it again. And if you've already seen it twice, go & see it in 3d!
It is 162 minutes of stunningly beautiful escapism that will go down in history as a landmark in the evolution of cinema and computer animation.
So far the film has grossed a total of $1.424 billion, and for good reason.
Almost every frame is a work of art and there are so many scenes that simply take your breath away.
Plot-wise, the film is nothing special. We have scene this story hundreds of times:
In the midst of a clash of different civilisations, an individual crosses over and finds himself protecting the very people he was sent to destroy.
Normally I would be groaning about how predictable the plot is and that the journey to the conclusion was a boring one, peppered with painfully obvious steps and methods.
As a viewer, I enjoy being surprised, and if a movie can take me through a good plot, develop some good characters and surprise me, then I am thrilled at the end of it.
While you do know what is coming in Avatar, there's still some guesswork involved because the world is so alien and unlike anything you would consider normal.
It's the world and the environment that truly makes this movie spectacular, because James Cameron has displayed its nuances & characteristics to us, immersing our senses in it by paying such acute attention to detail.
The motion capture is incredible, but the biggest difference between Avatar & other feature films that have utilised the same tech is that the facial muscle movements are spot on. The small details are so good that you never find yourself thinking: "the mouths just don't move properly when characters talk" or "small gestures are a bit stiff".
You can read more about how the flawless motion capture was achieved on Avatar's Wikipedia page, as well as some other interesting details about the making of the movie.
Despite the fact that I kept thinking of the struggle between the settlers and the native Indians in North America during the American Indian Wars (1622-1918), I can forget the Pocahontas and Dances with Wolves similarities because Avatar is a true movie fan's movie: it takes the audience on an exciting journey to a place they have never been before.
And that, is what movies should do.

Eddie Izzard is coming to South Africa! - bring on the National Riffle Association

I have my ticket & I'm going dressed as a squirrel with a gun!
Ok, so I'm not going dressed as a raving mad, furry creature. But I am going to see him live & I can't wait.
Tickets are damn expensive (if you're earning Rands), so I'll be eating cans of baked beans and tinned tuna for the next 2 months. -cough cough-
But the money will be going to a good cause - Eddie's Eyeliner Fund.
Actually, it'll be going to Nelson Mandela's 46664 global HIV/AIDS awareness campaign.
Either way, I'm delighted at the prospect of seeing my favourite comedian live at the Johannesburg Civic Theatre. It's definitely one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that you just can't miss.

Crocodiles & wheelchairs don't mix

Sometimes signs can be very misleading...
Generally when there is a warning sign or if something is prohibited, there is a very distinct line through the sign, drawing your attention to the fact that the behaviour depicted is either illegal, or simply not a good idea.
In the case of the sign above (which I found in a crocodile park in St Lucia) the sign seems to defy the usual standards of signage and in fact seems to encourage the depicted behaviour.
In short, the sign seems to say: if you are accompanied by anyone in a wheelchair, please push them downhill towards the waiting crocodiles and ask them to scream open-mouthed on their way down.
Unfortunately, I was unable to comply with the sign due to the fact that there was a lack of wheelchair-bound individuals at the time.
Pity...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Or is that absinthe???

Yes, it's been a loooooooong time I know. But I'm making an effort to post regularly again. Don't ask me why I haven't been around for so long - it's got something to do with alien abduction.