The Supervillain's Guide to Reality vs Fantasy

Here on the left we have proof that even celebrities have bad hair days. Either that, or Alexander Skarsgard had just kissed a taser for a dare & was now deeply concerned about the state of his underwear while the photo was being taken.
But as we all know, bad hair days don't kill your celebrity status or cause you to lose lucrative movie roles.
Skarsgard has been tipped as the favourite to star in Warner Brother's upcoming Tarzan movie, which will apparently start filming next year.
This is good news for Skarsgard fans & fans of The Lord of the Apes stories.
It isn't, however, good news for one DeWet du Toit - a self-styled Tarzan fanboy, whose story was featured on news sites across the world in January this year.

du Toit spends his time playing Tarzan in the jungle near George in the Western Cape - which is rather ironic considering that the George of the Jungle cartoon series was originally inspired by Tarzan. But coincidences aside, du Toit has been immersing himself in the character of Tarzan, living in the 'jungle' for 3 days a week, when he runs around barefoot in a loin cloth.
During the rest of the week, he seems to divide his time between his job as a personal trainer & convincing Hollywood bigwigs that he should be the next Tarzan. His efforts have included numerous hours of self-tan application, sunbed use, black hair dye applied to his locks & the filming of short Tarzan-like movies, where he runs around with shaved legs - who knew that Tarzan invented the lady-razor?
So here's the Supervillain SuperReality Check: in a fantastical world, an ex-security guard from Namibia who runs around in a loin cloth, would be plucked from obscurity to star in a huge blockbuster based on his idol, going on to star in 5 sequels & living in a giant & luxury tree house for the rest of his life.
In reality, big names mean big money & studios will always pick a star that will guarantee them a successful return on their monetary investment in the movie's production.
It's another reason why Robin Hood spoke with an American accent & the studio had no problem with it.
In the words of Abba: money money money, ain't it funny, in a rich man's world...

Dear Hollywood, please make it stop!

Before Blue Steel there was Blue Bay!

Rumours of a Baywatch movie have been circulating ever since The Hoff figured out that he could ride the meme wave with the same combination of a bad wardrobe & a cheesy grin that propelled him from Nightrider to international boob & bay-watcher, all those years ago.
This was, of course, before he decided to conquer all of Germany with his vocal chords, chest hair & a pair of specially-tailored lederhosen...

Of Mars & Men

So over the weekend I went to see 2 completely different movies: John Carter & Safe House.
The first, John Carter (henceforth known as JC) has been getting all sorts of mixed press. Apparently the movie has been on the cards for 100 years, with this year being a century since the first story by Edgar Rice Burroughs was published.
So in other words, it's the platinum jubilee of the character JC - he's been 'alive' for 40 years longer than the Queen has been on the throne. Fortunately Taylor Kitsch is much more pleasing on the eye than Her Majesty & he doesn't wave like someone's actually forcing him to, with a puppeteer's stick attached at the elbow.
Another fortunate thing about the movie is that Willem Dafoe's animated alien creature is far less scary-looking than he is in real life.
All in all the movie is 1 big great adventure & lots of fun. I keep seeing bad reviews for it where people say: "but it's not Avatar." Of course in my opinion, going to a movie entitled John Carter & looking for skinny blue people & Sigourney Weaver is a little daft.
Go watch John Carter & expect adventurous fun & the elements of classic Victorian sci-fi.

As for Safe House, it was filmed in Cape Town, of all places. So there are plenty of Souff Efrikan elements that'll keep you chuckling through the movie.
Basically, it's Denzel Washington in yet another one of his stereotypical roles, so expect to see him as you've never always seen him before! Ryan Reynolds on the other hand, manages to prove that he can act - after his annoying performance in Green Lantern.
Plot-wise it's predictable, right down to identity of the bad guy - the writers & directors have clearly taken a lot of cues from the Borne movies, including the gritty hand-held camera style.
On the whole, it was fun to watch, but I think that's because I kept chuckling at the local elements and how quickly & competently the police responded to crime scenes. Take out those amusing elements & I think I would've fallen asleep in the cinema, or resorted to throwing popcorn at my fellow movie-goers.
Also, watching Ryan Reynolds praat die taal is damn hilarious! But save Safe House for your dvd rental night & go watch John Carter on the big screen :-)

Jean Clutz van Dammit is back! Again!

Obviously inspired by the success of such internet phenomenons as The Hoff, Chuck & Vernon Koekemoer - Jean-claude van Damme has determined that his day of reckoning has come!
He has apparently decided to make Bloodsport 2: The Sequel (A washed-out fighter makes his comeback after many years of going off the rails!)
So in the first movie, his character battles his way through a deadly tournament, much like the Tekken games & the Tekken movie that is due for release this year.
Obviously a similar, predictable plot won't do for Jean Clutz! He wants to dig deep into the character, explore the role, expand on the plot, make it real, gritty, dirty and oh-so-awe-inspiring!

"You know, like, we’re gonna do Bloodsport 2, which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son."

Man, I'm dying to see the movie already! I'm drawing no similarities between Mickey Rourke's recent comeback in The Wrestler, Sly Stallone in Rocky Balboa & the rest of those awful comeback movies that have assaulted & insulted audiences' intelligence over the last few years.
I wonder if he'll still be able to do all those ballet splits, now that he's 48...?