Sir Robert Mugabe?!?!

So apparently the Queen has finally stripped old Bob of his honorary knighthood as a "mark of revulsion" in response to the violence and outright violation of human rights in Zimbabwe.
Uh... it's taken her this long to revoke his knighthood??? Did she just forget about the fact that she'd knighted him some 14 years ago? I mean, during the last few elections, where international observers have reported violence and intimidation of non-ZanuPF supporters, did the Queen go: "Hmmm, nagging thought, nagging thought... did I knight him? I can't recall..."
Maybe someone was recently perusing the "Honorary Knight" tome from 14 years ago & suddenly went: "We knighted him?!" and ran off to remind the Queen of the rather embarrassing fact.
The following is an excerpt from the letter, informing Bob of his ex-knight status:

Mr Mugabe,
We regret to inform you that we have un-knighted you. You will no longer be referred to Sir Robert Mugabe, nor will you enjoy the privileges associated with the title.
Your membership to Arthur's Club House has been canceled, you will no longer be permitted to sit at the Round Table. Access to Merlin's Magical Bath House will no longer be free, Morgana's Massage Parlour will be off-limits and we will be sending someone over to collect your armour, sword, lance, horse, pageboy and squire.
While this incident gives us no pleasure, recent events have changed our disposition towards your knighthood status.
We are not trying to tell you how to run your country & we have even reserved judgement in the past, keeping quiet during previous times of violence, intimidation and election-rigging. In fact, we hardly even noticed that, we get so little coverage on the telly here.
But anyways, we have now decided to take a strong stance against your dicatorship by using intimidating words in the press and revoking your knighthood.
Enjoy the rest of your day.
Regards,
The Queen
(Of England)

Phoenix lander now with free dvd. (Delivery to Mars only, terms & conditions apply)

Take a look at the round disc on the left of the american flag... Yep, that's a mini dvd. What's on it you ask? Why, an assortment of things; "a message to future Martian explorers, science fiction stories and art inspired by the Red Planet as well as the names of more than a quarter-million earthlings"
Great idea! I'm sure the super-advanced aliens out there that we haven't met yet, all use mini dvd roms... I bet they also read English (& the american version at that), would understand our art and would like to know the names of our people, just in case they want to take over our bodies, or pretend to be one of us in an effort to understand all those splashes of paint we like to call "modern art". :P

Hooray for Botswana!

Well, it seems Botswana's government has gone against the current trend of "What crisis in Zimbabwe?" by condemning the recent arrests and detentions of MDC officials.
Finally someone has bothered to openly criticise Mugabe's blatant disregard for the will of Zimabweans! Why on earth has it taken so long for someone to speak out & why was the smallest of Zimbabwe's neighbours the first to do so?
Thabo Mbeki is obviously still going: "Hi Bob, I'm so glad you're holding a second election. The results of the first one were totally inconclusive, there's no way the MDC won. Of course, they won't win in this next "election" now will they? They have no hope of winning when you're rigging the vote, giving out free food for Zanu-PF voters & threatening people to vote for you. Maybe I should use the same tactics. My terms is almost finished & I wouldn't mind extending it. Seems to have worked for you."
Of course, no one ever expected the election to be fair and we certainly don't expect these next ones to be either. Everyone knows that they're rigged.
The results will probably state a small percentage of votes to MDC, just so that it appears "legitimate" to observers. Here's a behind the scenes look at the political mechanics of it all:
Bob: "Do we have the results?"
Head Zanu-PF Cronie #1: "What results comrade? I thought we were making it all up..."
Head Election Rigger: "Well, what results did you have in mind Mr Mugabe? We obviously don't want to arouse any suspicion about the vote counting."
Bob: "I was thinking of 100% Zanu-PF, 0% MDC."
Head Zanu-PF Cronie #1: "Excellent comrade!"
Head Election Rigger: "You don't think that's a little too generous? It might cast some doubt on the election results."
Bob: "Hmm... perhaps... Okay! 99% Zanu-PF & 1% MDC. That's my final offer!"
Head Zanu-PF Cronie #1: "Excellent comrade! Very clever. No one will suspect a thing!"
Head Election Rigger: "Uh..."