Models have superpowers too, just don't hold your breath about what those powers are!

There are people in this world that have been bestowed with a great 'gift', a special power that differentiates them from the rest of humanity. Their use of this power either elevates them to the status of Superhero or Supervillain, depending on the choices they make at key moments of their lives: rob a bank, save a cat from a tree, raid the Lindt factory, help a little old lady with her grocery bags, steal Donald Trump's entire toupee collection...

Then there are those who choose not to use their powers for good or evil, those that are afraid of what lies beneath their own potential & the choices they may have to make. They're commonly known as 'wussies' & are generally the scorn of both Supervillains and Superheroes alike - one of the few things both parties actually share.

Further still are those who possess powers that are of a very 'special' set. A set of powers so amazingly special, not because they are unique & extremely rare, but because of the potency of their 'power' & the level to which they have grown in their power.

The Supervillian's Guide to Art, Part 1: Kicking up a SuperFuss!

So Brett Murray's painting 'The Spear' has caused such a furore in the last few days that I can no longer remain silent on the issue - since no self-respecting supervillain is without an opinion on everything.

The painting (on display at the Goodman Gallery) initially caused a storm of media frenzy & debate within the country due to it's depiction of President Jacob Zuma in all his 'glory' -  not only does the painting portray Zuma in a fashion similar to an iconic poster of Lenin, but Jay-Z's ahem, 'manhood' is exposed for all to see.

So naturally loads of people kicked up a fuss about the painting, including the ANC & President Zuma himself - who claims that the painting depicts him as "a philanderer and a womaniser" & makes a mockery of his office.
At this point in time it is worth pointing out that Jay-Z has been married 6 times, currently has 4 wives & a fiancée, and also has had a couple of kids out of wedlock with a bunch of other women. Then there's also the issue of all the comments he made during his infamous rape trial...
So naturally, 'The Spear' is a rather appropriate title for the painting, which is part of Murray's 'Hail to the Thief II' exhibition at the gallery.
The ANC threatened to take legal action against the Goodman Gallery in the Johannesburg High Court, after their request to have the exhibition censored, was denied by the gallery.

Supervillain Basics: Track Records

There are a few things you just can't be a successful supervillain without; supervillainous powers, evil plans, timeousness, reliability & a trusty utility belt.
Success does not come from arriving late to take over the world or destroy your nemesis' entire collection of neon spandex jumpsuits. No Siree!
No one likes an unreliable supervillain (or superhero for that matter), because you just end up looking like an idiot & pissing people off.

So if you say: "Meet me at 8pm on the top of Trump Tower so that I can kick your toupee'd arse & wipe that cocky smile off your botoxed face", you better be there to deliver kid. Or you'll just go down in history as the no-show douchebag with the big mouth & short supervillain resume...

Of Kryptonite & Supervillain Weaknesses

Every supervillain & superhero has a weakness. An Achilles heel that they must yield to in order to balance out their amazing superpowers.
For some it is a strange & alien substance that renders them powerless in its presence - like chocolate, cheese, coffee, Kryptonite, little French pastries with the icing dusted on the top...
For others, it is as simple as a sale at Nine West, a pair of Diesel jeans, the latest Apple offering, the sleek lines of a new BMW, a house in a prestigious neighbourhood or the intense need to possess a trophy wife & show her off to those high school bullies.
And still for others it's the mere thrill of the SuperSecret. The alter ego & the kick they get out of hiding that other self from those around them, while relishing all the attention their SuperEgo gets.
I, on the other hand, possess numerous weaknesses, which is clearly due to the fact that I am gifted with an impressive array of villainous superpowers.
And while I could wax lyrical about said superpowers, I prefer to leave them shrouded in mystery, since the element of surprise is a key weapon in the supervillain's arsenal & quite useful in certain situations - like a skillful card swap at the Bingo hall...
I will, however, mention that I am utterly powerless in the presence of Star Wars Lego, Belgian chocolate, a good gadget shop, a pair of hot stiletto boots at a good price, a sleek motorbike, a poetic soul, & mesmerising eyes - to name a few & in no particular order...

Even Supervillains get allergies too

It's no easy task being a Supervillain, because very little about it is conventional & calm. In fact, most of the time it's rather unconventional because being a Supervillain means that 'Super' is pretty much attached to everything.
That means getting the SuperFlu, being SuperSmart, having SuperPlans, losing SuperSocks in the SuperLaundry, shopping for SuperClothes at a SuperStore & of course, getting SuperAllergies.

Over the course of my SuperLife, I have developed some seriously super allergies. Mostly towards various foods & additives, but also to some other things.
Like teenagers - I'm highly allergic to those. They induce my up-chuck reflex in a way that can only be described as 'super'.
They're an evil scourge that I plan to rid the planet of as soon as I've taken over it. I have great plans for them - SuperPlans to be exact, & they involve 'green' energy, cycling machines & deep cycle batteries...

Another thing I am super allergic to is bullshit. I can only handle so much of it before I reach my SuperTolerance level & call someone's bluff in a way that I like to describe as 'brutal honesty'.
You're either up-front & honest about things with people, or you're bullshitting them - & no one likes to be played for a fool. Specially not a Supervillain; we're all about evil plots & secret plans, so we have a nose for spotting falsity & it's not a good idea to try & pull one over on us.
We don't take kindly to it & you'll probably find yourself out in the cold - in Antarctica, stranded & cuddling up to a bunch of male Emperor Penguins for warmth while you wonder when the Catch of the Day will be regurgitated up on the ice by your new girlfriend...

Surviving Bangkok, one app at a time

So I've always been an Android fan & I have to say that without it, I wouldn't have survived this long in Bangkok. In fact, I probably would've stumbled into a scenario straight out of The Hangover 2...
Google Maps has been invaluable in getting around & figuring out which buses & trains to catch.
Then there's the Learn Thai application that I use a lot because, not only does it have lots of useful phrases & translations, but it can literally speak for you - at the touch of a button a male or female voice will say the appropriate phrase for you! It's really great for giving directions to taxi drivers & telling them to switch the meter on so that they don't rip you off. :-P
Then there's Foursquare, which has helped me discover a couple of new places, Google Translate - which has been useful AND amusing (1 word in Thai can have 3 different pronunciations & meanings), & then there's the barrage of free applications that will guide you around the city & translate words for you.
Basically I wouldn't adventure outside the hotel without these apps, because I abhor looking like a stupid tourist with a giant well-crumpled map that is often upside-down...